There’s a significant difference between being in love and just wanting to be in a relationship.
The distinction lies in the emotions involved. Being in love is about deeply caring for someone and sharing a profound connection with them. However, simply wanting a relationship often stems from a fear of loneliness or a desire for companionship.
It’s important to recognize these differences and signs to ensure your intentions are clear – to yourself and others. And as someone who’s been there, I can tell you there are key indicators to look out for.
Here are ten signs that you’re not really in love, but just want to be in a relationship.
1) Feeling lonely
One of the most common indicators that you’re not really in love, but just want a relationship, revolves around loneliness.
When you’re truly in love, your connection with that person is driven by more than just a need for companionship. It’s about deeply caring for the other person and wanting to share your life with them.
However, if you’re primarily seeking a relationship to fill a void or avoid feeling lonely, this is often a sign that you’re not really in love.
It’s crucial to recognize this distinction. If you’re only in a relationship to combat loneliness, it’s not fair to you or your partner. Relationships should be about mutual care and respect, not just filling a void.
2) The thrill of the chase
I remember a time when I was completely absorbed in the excitement of pursuing someone. The thrill of the chase, the butterflies, the constant anticipation – it was intoxicating.
But as time went by, I noticed something odd. When the chase ended and the relationship began, the excitement started to fade. I began to question my feelings. Was I really in love with this person or was it just the thrill of the chase that had me hooked?
It’s important to distinguish between the exhilaration of pursuit and genuine love for someone. If you find yourself losing interest once you’ve ‘won’ them over, it may be a sign that you’re more in love with the idea of a relationship than with the person themselves.
Love is more than just a fleeting rush; it involves a consistent desire to be with someone and share your life with them – even when the initial excitement fades.
3) Idealizing your partner
When you’re truly in love, you see your partner as they truly are, flaws and all. You accept them and love them for who they are, not who you want them to be.
On the other hand, if you find yourself constantly idealizing your partner, or projecting qualities onto them that they don’t possess, this could be a sign that you’re more in love with the idea of a relationship than with the person themselves.
Psychology studies have shown that those in the early stages of a relationship often idealize their partner. However, as the relationship progresses and reality sets in, this idealization tends to fade. If it doesn’t, it could be a sign that you’re not seeing the person for who they truly are, but rather what you want them to be.
This is why it’s crucial to take off the rose-colored glasses and see your partner for who they truly are. Love involves accepting someone for their true self – not an idealized version of them.
4) Fear of being single
Being comfortable with your own company is important for your personal growth and self-esteem. If you find yourself rushing from one relationship to another out of fear of being single, you might be more in love with the idea of being in a relationship than with the person you’re with.
It’s natural to want companionship and to share your life with someone. But if this desire stems from a fear of being alone rather than genuine love for the person you’re with, it’s worth reassessing your feelings.
Being single can be a time for self-discovery and personal growth. It’s better to be single and happy than in a relationship where you’re not truly in love.
5) Lack of deep connection
Love is more than just surface-level attraction or shared interests. It’s about feeling a deep connection with someone, on an emotional and intellectual level.
If you find that your conversations with your partner never delve deeper than casual chitchat or daily routines, it might be a sign that you’re not truly in love.
True love involves sharing your deepest thoughts, fears, and dreams with your partner. It’s about understanding and connecting with each other on a profound level.
If you don’t feel this deep connection, it might be worth evaluating whether you’re in love with the person or just the idea of having a relationship.
6) You’re not their number one fan
When you’re truly in love, you become each other’s biggest cheerleaders. You celebrate their victories, no matter how small, and you’re there for them during their failures, providing comfort and encouragement.
If you find yourself indifferent to their accomplishments or failures, or if their happiness doesn’t bring you joy, it might be a sign that you’re not in love.
Love is about more than just being together; it’s about genuinely caring for one another, lifting each other up, and sharing in each other’s joys and sorrows. If these feelings are absent, it might be time to reflect on whether you are truly in love or just in love with the idea of a relationship.
7) You feel relieved when they’re not around
I remember a time when I found myself constantly waiting for my partner to leave. I felt a sense of relief when they weren’t around, like I could finally breathe and be myself again. It was a clear sign that something was off.
When you’re truly in love, your partner’s presence should be comforting, not suffocating. You should look forward to spending time with them, not feel relieved when they’re gone.
If you find yourself constantly craving alone time or feeling relieved when they’re not around, it’s worth reflecting on your feelings. Love should make you feel free and happy, not trapped or suffocated.
8) You’re always planning for the future
Planning for a future together can be exciting when you’re in love. But if you’re always focused on what’s next, rather than enjoying the present, it might indicate that you’re not truly in love.
The joy of being in love often resides in the present moment. It’s about truly valuing and enjoying the time you spend with your partner, not just looking forward to a hypothetical future.
If you find yourself constantly daydreaming about the future or making plans, but not fully engaging in the present with your partner, it could be a sign that you’re more invested in the idea of a relationship than the person you’re with.
9) You’re not willing to make sacrifices
When you’re truly in love, making sacrifices for your partner doesn’t feel like a burden. It’s something you willingly do because their happiness is important to you.
However, if you find yourself unwilling to compromise or make any sacrifices for your partner, it could be a sign that you’re not truly in love.
Real love involves meeting halfway, compromising, and sometimes putting the other person’s needs before your own. If these actions feel like too much of a burden, it might mean that you’re more in love with the idea of being in a relationship than with your partner.
10) You don’t feel complete without a relationship
One of the most important things to understand is that a relationship doesn’t complete you. You are whole on your own.
If you find yourself feeling incomplete without a relationship, it’s a sign that you might be more in love with the idea of being in a relationship than with the person you’re with.
Being in love enriches your life, but it doesn’t define it. You should be able to stand on your own two feet and feel complete, even without a relationship. This not only leads to healthier relationships but also to a healthier you.
Final thoughts: It’s about self-awareness
At the heart of this exploration of love and relationships, lies the fundamental concept of self-awareness. Understanding our emotions, desires, and motivations is key to navigating our love lives.
The renowned psychologist, Carl Rogers, once said, “The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.”
This sentiment holds true in matters of the heart. Accepting our feelings for what they are – a desire for companionship rather than true love, or vice versa – is the first step towards understanding ourselves and forming healthier relationships.
So whether you’re caught up in the thrill of a new relationship or questioning your long-standing feelings for someone, remember to look within. Be honest with yourself about your feelings.
Are you truly in love with this person? Or are you in love with the idea of being in a relationship? This introspection could lead to enlightening realizations and ultimately guide you towards a more fulfilling love life.
