I’ve spent years researching the psychology of human behavior (and let’s be honest, silently judging my exes in the process). From countless articles, studies, and conversations with others, I’ve noticed a few sneaky signs that could mean you’re unintentionally difficult to get along with.
If you’re brave enough to find out, keep reading—just don’t shoot the messenger!
1. You Interrupt People Constantly
You’re halfway through your friend’s story about a wild weekend—then BOOM, you jump in with your own tale of triumph or tragedy.
Before you know it, you’ve hijacked the conversation and left them feeling like a disposable background singer in your show.
Psychologists often talk about active listening—a concept championed by Carl Rogers. Rogers believed that empathetic listening is the foundation for healthy communication. If you’re always cutting people off, you’re not practicing empathy.
Next time your friend is speaking, imagine you’re performing in a “Listening Olympics.” Stay silent. Win gold.
2. You Turn Every Conversation into a Debate
Got your devil’s advocate cap on 24/7? While challenging ideas can be a good thing, there’s a thin line between healthy discussion and picking fights.
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) practitioners highlight how certain “cognitive distortions” can make us overly argumentative—like “all-or-nothing” thinking. If you believe there’s only one correct perspective (yours), you’ll clash with everyone who sees a different shade of gray.
My sister once “debated” with me for an hour about whether pineapple belongs on pizza. (It totally does, by the way. Don’t @ me.) The argument ended in grudges, ruined pizza, and zero winners. Sometimes, it’s just not worth it.
3. You Rarely Admit Fault
If your favorite catchphrase is “I didn’t do anything wrong!” then you might be stuck in a psychological phenomenon called the self-serving bias.
This bias happens when we readily accept credit for our successes but blame external factors for our failures. Albert Bandura emphasized the importance of self-reflection in personal growth. If you can’t own up to mistakes, you’ll never learn from them.
Individuals who routinely accept responsibility for errors build stronger relationships. Meanwhile, those stuck in blame mode tend to have rockier interactions.
4. You Criticize More Than You Compliment
When you open your mouth, do people brace themselves for a storm of negativity? If your feedback is constantly “constructive” but never encouraging, folks might be fleeing your presence like it’s the Titanic.
In John Gottman’s famous relationship studies, he found that a healthy dynamic needs at least a 5:1 ratio of positive to negative interactions. Yep, that means for every one piece of criticism, you should be delivering five compliments or kind words—no joke.
Ask yourself, “Have I said anything positive to this person in the last day, hour, or decade?” If the answer is no, maybe you’re due for a compliment or three.
5. You Always Have to Be Right
Does the phrase “I see your point” literally make you break out in hives? Then you might be struggling with a control issue that demands you’re always correct.
This trait can point to a fixed mindset, a concept introduced by psychologist Carol Dweck. Those with a fixed mindset think their abilities and intellect are set in stone, leading them to defend their “rightness” at all costs.
Try adopting a growth mindset, which means learning can come from being wrong sometimes. Trust me, being wrong once in a while doesn’t kill you—just ask me about the time I confidently tried to set up an IKEA cabinet without instructions.
6. You Dominate Group Decisions
You know that person who ends up deciding the restaurant, the movie, the route to the grocery store, and probably the next President? That might be you if you find yourself steamrolling group choices.
Social psychologists have studied the phenomenon of “groupthink,” where strong personalities overshadow quieter members. If people around you seem to give in all the time, it might not be because they agree—they might just be exhausted.
I was once so bent on choosing the “best” restaurant that we ended up driving in circles for 45 minutes. By the time we settled, everyone was hangry, and I was crowned Queen of Being Difficult. Lesson learned.
7. You Hold Onto Grudges Like They’re Precious Family Heirlooms
We’ve all been hurt before, but if you’re carrying a scoreboard around (with names, dates, and offenses), it’s time to check that baggage.
According to Carl Jung, unresolved conflicts from our past can manifest in how we interact with others today. Hanging onto old resentments is like a bad sequel—nobody wants to see it play out again.
A study found that forgiveness can lower stress and improve relationships. So, letting go isn’t just a Disney song—it’s a scientifically backed strategy for sanity.
8. People Describe You as “Intense” or “Too Much”
Friends constantly telling you, “Wow, calm down” or “You’re too intense”? While passion is great, over-the-top reactions can make others uneasy.
High emotional reactivity can be linked to neuroticism—one of the Big Five personality traits recognized by psychologists (extraversion, agreeableness, openness, conscientiousness, and neuroticism). If your neuroticism is off the charts, you might blow up small issues into catastrophic events.
In my freshman year of college, I once cried dramatically because I lost my phone charger. Everyone around me thought someone had died. That, my friend, is a sign.
9. You’re Often the Center of Drama
Chaos and drama swirling around you like a tornado? If you keep “accidentally” starring in big blowouts, consider that maybe it’s not an accident.
Freud might have said, “Sometimes, a cigar is just a cigar,” but you might be smoking the drama cigar a bit too often.
Unconsciously, you could be fueling conflicts because you crave excitement or attention, an issue often linked to borderline or histrionic tendencies (though an official diagnosis would require a professional).
Step away from the whirlwind. If the drama follows you even when you lie low, then it’s probably not you. But if calmness only appears when you’re out of town… well, connect the dots, my dear Watson.
10. You See Relationships as Transactional
Do you measure friendships by “What can they do for me?” rather than “How can we support each other?” That might be a red flag waving over your social life.
Abraham Maslow’s hierarchy of needs emphasizes belonging and love as intrinsic human desires. If you’re too fixated on what you’re getting out of relationships, you’re missing genuine connection—and people will sense that.
I once met someone who treated me like a stepping stone in their career, and it felt awful. So, imagine if you’re doing that to others—ouch.
Final Thoughts
Recognizing that you’re sometimes the “difficult one” is tough. But here’s the good news: the first step toward becoming easier to get along with is self-awareness. You don’t have to do a total personality reboot—just small steps like listening more, apologizing when you’re wrong, and giving people a bit of grace can work wonders.
We’re all works in progress—myself included. Acknowledging any of these signs doesn’t mean you’re a bad person; it just means there’s room to grow. And in the grand theater of life, you get to write your own script. Why not make it one where people stick around for the encore instead of running for the exits?
Here’s to friendlier conversations, fewer dramatic episodes, and a healthier, happier you. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to make amends with my coworker for constantly interrupting her coffee runs with my highly crucial bagel preferences. Baby steps, right?
