There’s a clear distinction between being a good person and merely pretending to be one.
This difference is often subtle, hidden beneath layers of well-crafted facade.
As per psychology, there are telltale signs that can help you unravel this mystery. It’s about understanding the nuances, the subtle shifts in behavior and responses.
In this article, we’ll dive into the 10 signs someone isn’t an entirely good person, equipping you with insights to make your interactions more authentic and less perplexing.
Let’s get started.
1) They rarely show empathy
Psychology has long established that empathy is a cornerstone of good character.
Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of others. It’s about putting yourself in someone else’s shoes, feeling their pain, their joy, their struggles.
However, not everyone possesses this trait. Some people are quite adept at appearing empathetic while being quite the opposite.
When interacting with someone, pay attention to their reactions. Do they genuinely seem to care about others’ feelings or do they dismiss them?
A lack of empathy often points towards a person who isn’t entirely good. This isn’t about occasional slip-ups – we all have our moments – but a consistent pattern of indifference.
2) They frequently break promises
In my personal experience, one of the biggest red flags that someone isn’t as good as they appear is their track record with promises.
I once had a friend, let’s call her Jane. Jane was charming and charismatic, always the life of the party. However, she had this habit of making grand promises, only to break them later.
Whether it was about showing up for an event, helping out with a task, or even something as simple as returning a borrowed book, Jane would just conveniently ‘forget’.
Over time, I realized that her promises were nothing more than words. She lacked commitment and respect for others’ time and expectations.
Psychology suggests that people who frequently break promises may lack integrity and respect for others. This trait is often associated with people who aren’t entirely good at heart.
3) They consistently shift blame
No one likes to be at fault, but accepting responsibility for our actions is a mark of maturity and good character.
Psychology reveals that people who continually shift blame onto others are often using a defense mechanism called projection. This is when individuals attribute their own negative traits or mistakes onto someone else.
For instance, if someone always points fingers and never takes responsibility, it’s not just frustrating behavior – it’s a sign of a deeper issue. This consistent blame-shifting can be an indication that they’re not an entirely good person.
It’s also worth noting that blame-shifters are often skilled manipulators. They can twist situations to make it seem like they’re the victim, even when they’re clearly in the wrong.
4) They lack consistency in their actions
Consistency is a trait that is often associated with reliability and trustworthiness. When someone’s actions align with their words, it shows integrity and good character.
However, if you notice that a person’s actions often contradict their words, it might be a cause for concern. This inconsistency can be a sign of dishonesty or insincerity.
For instance, if someone regularly talks about how important honesty is to them, but you often catch them in lies or half-truths, it raises questions about their true nature.
Actions do speak louder than words. A person who isn’t entirely good might say all the right things, but their actions will reveal their true character. Watch out for these inconsistencies – it could be a sign that they’re not as good as they seem.
5) They often play the victim
Playing the victim is a common tactic used by people who aren’t entirely good. They manipulate situations to appear as if they’re the ones being wronged, even when they’re not.
Psychology suggests that this behavior is a form of emotional manipulation. It’s a way for them to gain sympathy, avoid taking responsibility, and shift blame onto others.
For example, if someone constantly complains about how they’re always being treated unfairly, or how everything always goes wrong for them, it might be a sign of victim-playing.
It’s important to note, though, that everyone goes through tough times and it’s okay to express feelings of unfairness. The key here is consistency. If playing the victim is a recurrent theme in their narrative, it could suggest that they’re not an entirely good person at heart.
6) They’re dismissive of others’ feelings
One of the most telling signs of a person who isn’t entirely good is their disregard for others’ feelings.
There’s something profoundly hurtful about opening up to someone, only to have them dismiss or trivialize your emotions. It’s a sting that lingers, a betrayal that’s hard to forget.
This behavior shows a lack of empathy and respect – key elements of a good person. Whether it’s a friend who laughs off your worries or a partner who brushes aside your concerns, such dismissiveness can be deeply damaging.
Everyone deserves to be heard and respected. If someone consistently neglects this basic courtesy, it’s a strong indication that they might not be as good a person as they portray themselves to be.
7) They take more than they give
In any kind of relationship, balance is crucial. While it’s perfectly normal for the scales to tip one way or another occasionally, a consistent pattern of taking more than giving can be a sign of a person who isn’t entirely good.
I learned this the hard way in a past friendship. I was always there for this friend, lending my ear when they needed to vent, offering my time, energy, and resources without hesitation. But when the tables turned and I needed support, they were conspicuously absent.
This imbalance left me feeling drained and undervalued. It was a hard pill to swallow but an important lesson on the significance of reciprocity in relationships.
8) They’re overly charming
Charm can be a delightful trait, making someone instantly likable and magnetic. However, an excess of it can sometimes be a red flag.
Psychology suggests that individuals who lay on the charm excessively might be hiding something. They use their charisma as a smoke screen, diverting attention from their less appealing traits or actions.
This doesn’t mean that every charming person you meet has a hidden agenda. But if their charm seems too good to be true or feels like a well-rehearsed act, it might be worth taking a step back.
In essence, an overdose of charm could potentially signal that someone isn’t an entirely good person.
9) They frequently cross boundaries
Respecting boundaries is a fundamental aspect of any healthy relationship. It shows consideration for others’ feelings, needs, and personal space.
However, some people have a knack for crossing these boundaries. They might share too much information, ask intrusive questions, or make inappropriate comments.
While it could be chalked up to social awkwardness or misunderstanding in some cases, if it’s a recurring pattern, it’s a sign of disrespect.
Not respecting someone’s boundaries indicates a lack of empathy and consideration. It also suggests that they place their desires and needs above others’.
10) They lack remorse for their actions
The ability to feel and express remorse is a crucial part of being a good person. It shows an understanding of right and wrong, and a willingness to make amends when we’ve hurt others.
But some people seem to lack this sense of remorse. They hurt others without batting an eye, never apologizing or even acknowledging their actions.
This absence of guilt or regret is a massive red flag. It points towards a lack of empathy, respect, and basic human decency.
If someone in your life consistently shows no remorse for their harmful actions, it’s more than just a character flaw – it’s a sign that they might not be an entirely good person.
Final thoughts: It’s about patterns, not singular actions
When it comes to human behavior, one crucial element to remember is that we’re all flawed. We all make mistakes, act out of character, or let our emotions get the better of us at times.
However, behavior becomes a concern when it forms a consistent pattern. It’s not about a single lie, but repeated dishonesty. It’s not about a one-time dismissal of your feelings, but a regular disregard for them.
The signs we’ve discussed aren’t meant to pass judgment or label anyone as ‘bad’. Rather, they’re indicators to help us navigate our relationships more effectively, recognizing potential red flags and understanding when respect and kindness might be lacking.
After all, as Maya Angelou wisely said – “When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time”. So let’s keep our eyes open and hearts guarded, without losing faith in the inherent goodness that also exists in this complex tapestry of human behavior.
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