Navigating relationships can sometimes feel like walking through a minefield, especially when dealing with someone who puts their needs above all else.
This kind of behavior, simply put, is selfishness. And quite often, it goes hand-in-hand with a lack of emotional intelligence.
Psychology provides us with some pretty clear signs to spot these traits in a man. It’s not about judging, but rather understanding what’s going on beneath the surface.
Here’s the low-down on 10 signs a man is selfish and has very little emotional intelligence, according to psychology.
Let’s get started.
1) No empathy
Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of others. It’s a fundamental aspect of emotional intelligence, and guess what – selfish people often lack it.
In the world of psychology, empathy is considered a major building block for forming meaningful relationships. It’s the ability to put yourself in someone else’s shoes and respond appropriately.
When you’re dealing with a man who can’t seem to grasp the concept of empathy, it might be because he’s more interested in his own needs than those of others.
This lack of understanding or concern for other people’s feelings is a clear sign of low emotional intelligence. It’s not just about being self-centered, but also about lacking the capacity to genuinely connect with others on an emotional level.
It’s not about labeling, but recognizing these traits can help you understand what you’re dealing with.
2) Always playing the victim
Ever met someone who always seems to be at the center of some drama or crisis? That was my ex to a tee.
No matter what happened, he always managed to paint himself as the victim. It was never his fault – it was his boss, his friends, even the weather. He’d twist any situation to make himself out to be the one who was wronged.
Psychology tells us that constant victim-playing can be a sign of both selfishness and low emotional intelligence. Rather than taking responsibility for their actions, these individuals manipulate situations to serve their narrative, exhibiting a lack of understanding or unwillingness to handle emotions in a mature manner.
This type of behavior is not only exhausting to be around but can be quite damaging in relationships. It’s important to recognize this pattern early on, as it can help you understand the person you’re dealing with and potentially save you a lot of heartache down the line.
3) Conversation monopolizer
Did you ever hear that humans, on average, speak at a rate of 125-150 words per minute? Now, imagine someone using all those words, only to talk about themselves.
A man with low emotional intelligence and high selfishness tends to dominate conversations. He may constantly steer the dialogue back to his own experiences or accomplishments, showing little interest in what others have to say.
Not only does this behavior quickly become tiresome, it also reveals a lack of understanding and respect for other people’s perspectives. This one-sided communication style is a clear sign of low emotional intelligence – and it can be a real relationship red flag.
4) Unwilling to compromise
Compromise is key in any relationship. It’s about balancing needs and finding a middle ground that satisfies everyone involved. But for a man who’s selfish and lacks emotional intelligence, compromise is often a foreign concept.
He may insist on having things his way, disregarding the needs and wishes of others. This stubborn refusal to find a mutual solution not only shows a disregard for others’ feelings, but also a lack of understanding about the give-and-take required in relationships.
This unwillingness to compromise isn’t just frustrating – it’s a clear sign of low emotional intelligence and high selfishness. It’s worth keeping an eye out for this behavior, as it can lead to conflict and resentment in the long run.
6) Dismissive of your feelings
Sharing your feelings with someone should lead to understanding and support. But with a selfish man, you might find your emotions brushed off, minimized, or outright ignored.
He might say things like, “You’re overreacting,” or, “It’s not a big deal,” making you feel like your emotions are invalid. According to psychology, this behavior stems from a lack of emotional intelligence—they’re unable to process and respond to emotions that aren’t their own.
If he consistently dismisses your feelings, it’s a sign he’s more concerned with his comfort than your emotional well-being.
7) Avoids responsibility
Responsibility? What’s that? A selfish man with little emotional intelligence will do anything to dodge accountability. Whether it’s forgetting important dates, neglecting shared duties, or avoiding hard conversations, he’ll find a way to escape the blame.
Psychology highlights this as a classic sign of emotional immaturity. Instead of stepping up, he shifts the burden onto others, leaving you to pick up the pieces.
This kind of behavior can be draining, and over time, it erodes trust and respect in the relationship.
8) Overly critical of others
Criticism can be constructive, but with a selfish man, it often feels like a personal attack. He might nitpick everything you do, from your outfit choices to how you handle stress, without offering any helpful suggestions.
This tendency to criticize stems from insecurity and a lack of emotional intelligence. By putting others down, he tries to elevate himself, but in the process, he creates a toxic dynamic.
If you feel like you’re constantly walking on eggshells to avoid his criticism, it’s a sign of deeper issues.
9) Lack of interest in your life
When you’re excited about something—whether it’s a work win, a personal goal, or even just a funny story—you’d hope your partner would show interest. But a selfish man often doesn’t.
Instead of engaging, he might seem bored, distracted, or change the subject entirely. This lack of curiosity about your life isn’t just rude; it’s a clear indicator of low emotional intelligence. He struggles to step outside his own world and appreciate what matters to you.
Over time, this disconnect can make you feel unseen and undervalued.
10) Uses emotional manipulation
Subtle guilt trips, silent treatments, or making you feel like you’re “too sensitive” are all tactics of emotional manipulation. A selfish man with low emotional intelligence might use these methods to control situations and get his way.
Psychology refers to this as emotional immaturity—it’s easier for him to manipulate than to have open, honest conversations about his needs or concerns.
This kind of behavior can be hard to spot at first, but once you recognize it, it’s a glaring sign that something’s not right. Healthy relationships are built on mutual respect, not manipulation.
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