Manipulation is a crafty tool often used by people with hidden agendas. It’s all about making you do what they want without revealing their true intentions.
Psychology tells us that manipulators often use specific phrases to gain our trust. These phrases are subtle, yet compelling, and can easily slip under the radar if you’re not aware.
In this piece, we’ll reveal 10 such phrases manipulators commonly use to gain your trust. Stay with me as we delve into the world of psychological manipulation and arm you with the knowledge to protect yourself.
1) You’re special
In the realm of manipulation, flattery is one of the most potent weapons.
Manipulators are experts at making you feel unique and special. They know that by making you feel like you’re the only one who can understand or help them, they can entice you into their web.
Welcome to the world of “exclusive validation.”
Exclusive validation is a psychological tactic where manipulators make you feel like you’re the only one who can meet their needs or understand their situation. It’s a cunning way to make you feel important and needed.
Consider this: when someone tells you that you’re the only person who can understand them, it’s compelling, right? It makes you want to help them, to be there for them because you’re ‘special.’
However, psychology warns us that such phrases are often used by manipulators to gain trust and control. It’s essential to remain vigilant and discern if the praise is genuine or a manipulation tactic.
2) I trust you completely
Trust is a two-way street, but manipulators often use it as a one-way ticket to get what they want.
I remember an old friend who would constantly tell me, “I trust you completely, you’re the only one I can count on.” But soon I realized this was always followed by a request or an expectation.
This is what psychologists call ‘premature trust.’ It’s when someone places an enormous amount of trust in you before it’s been properly earned or established. By doing so, they trigger a sense of obligation. It makes us feel like we ‘owe’ them for the trust they’ve given us.
When someone tells you they trust you implicitly or that you’re the only one they can rely on, it’s essential to consider the context and whether this trust is being used to manipulate your actions or decisions.
3) We’re in this together
Manipulators often use phrases that emphasize unity and shared experiences to foster a sense of camaraderie. It’s an underhanded way of saying, “if I go down, you go down with me.”
This tactic is known as ‘forced teaming.’ It’s a term coined by Gavin de Becker in his book, The Gift of Fear.
Forced teaming creates a pseudo bond that wasn’t present before. It fast-tracks intimacy and trust, making you feel like you’re part of a ‘we’ when it’s really just ‘them’ using you for their gain.
When someone says something like, “We’re in this together,” take a moment to question whether that’s really the case or if it’s just a manipulative phrase being used to guide your actions.
4) I don’t want to hurt you
This phrase might seem comforting at first glance, but it can be a red flag in certain contexts. Manipulators often use it as a way to create doubt and fear, making you more susceptible to their influence.
It’s a form of psychological manipulation known as ‘covert intimidation.’ The manipulator subtly threatens harm – either physical or emotional – while simultaneously asserting they want to avoid causing such harm. It’s a clever way to make you feel like they care about your well-being, even as they instill fear.
When someone assures you they don’t want to hurt you, especially when there’s no logical reason for such a statement, it’s important to question their motives. Chances are, it could be a manipulative tactic at play.
5) I would never lie to you
On the surface, it seems like a promise of honesty. But manipulators often use this phrase as a smokescreen to conceal their deception.
This is a classic example of ‘verbal sleight of hand.’ It’s a manipulative tactic where the person assures you of their honesty, making you less likely to question their words or actions. After all, they said they would never lie to you, right?
But honesty isn’t something that needs constant reassurance. If someone frequently feels the need to emphasize their honesty, it might be a sign that they’re trying to manipulate your perception of them. Always keep an eye out for actions that contradict these words.
6) I hate to ask this, but…
This phrase is a common manipulative tactic, used to make you feel like the manipulator is in a vulnerable position and needs your help. It’s designed to tug at your heartstrings and make it harder for you to say no.
Known as ‘appeal to pity,’ this tactic is often used by manipulators to exploit your sympathy and goodwill. They present themselves as helpless or disadvantaged, making you feel like it’s your responsibility to help them.
It’s a difficult situation, especially when you genuinely care about the person. But remember, it’s okay to set boundaries. Genuine requests for help don’t come with guilt trips or emotional manipulation. Always consider the context and patterns of behavior before responding.
7) You’re overreacting
This was a phrase I heard often from someone close to me. Every time I brought up an issue or expressed my feelings, I would be met with, “You’re overreacting.” It made me doubt my feelings and question my judgement.
In psychological terms, this is known as ‘gaslighting.’ It’s a manipulative tactic where someone makes you question your reality or sanity. The goal is to make you less confident in your perceptions and more dependent on their version of events.
It’s a damaging practice that can lead to emotional distress and self-doubt. If you find someone frequently invalidating your feelings or experiences, remember that your emotions are valid, and it’s essential to trust yourself.
8) I’m only doing this for your own good
While this phrase is commonly used by parents to guide their children, in the hands of a manipulator, it’s a way to justify their controlling behavior.
This is a form of ‘benevolent dominance.’ It’s a tactic where the manipulator asserts control under the guise of concern for your well-being. In reality, they’re using it to make decisions for you and control your actions.
Surprisingly, the person might genuinely believe they’re acting in your best interest. However, it’s crucial to remember that you have the right to make your own choices. If someone consistently uses this phrase to dictate your actions, it might be a sign of manipulation.
9) You owe me
Manipulators have a knack for keeping score. They remember every favor they’ve done for you and aren’t shy about reminding you of it when they need something.
This tactic is called ‘reciprocity exploitation.’ The manipulator gives you something or does a favor, expecting something in return. They’re not helping out of kindness; they’re investing in future leverage over you.
The phrase “You owe me” is a clear signal of this tactic. Genuine acts of kindness don’t come with strings attached. If someone constantly reminds you of what you ‘owe’ them, they might be using manipulation to control your actions.
10) Trust me, I know what’s best for you
This is perhaps one of the most dangerous phrases a manipulator can use. It’s a direct attempt to undermine your autonomy, making you feel like they have superior knowledge or insight.
This is ‘paternalistic deception,’ where the manipulator assumes a parental role, insisting they know what’s best for you. They use this perceived superiority to control and influence your decisions.
Always remember, no one knows what’s best for you better than you do. Trust in your judgement and don’t let anyone convince you otherwise.
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