In the world of social interactions, the line between charming and cringey can be thin. It all boils down to understanding how our words affect others.
Some folks, often without realizing it, tend to use phrases that can be quite cringey and create awkward situations. It’s not intentional, but it can leave a lasting impression.
In this piece, we’ll explore 10 of these phrases that people with less-than-stellar social skills often use, oblivious to their impact.
If you’ve ever wondered whether your words might be causing a few grimaces, read on. Because sometimes, it’s not what you say but how you say it that counts.
1) “You look tired”
If there’s one phrase that tends to make people cringe, it’s “you look tired.”
Sure, the person saying it might mean no harm. In fact, they might even think they’re showing concern. But let’s face it — it’s a thinly veiled way of saying “you don’t look your best.”
Most people want to look and feel good. So when someone points out that they look tired, it can be a hit to their self-esteem.
What’s worse is that the person on the receiving end of this phrase usually doesn’t even realize how it comes across. They might think they’re simply making an observation or showing empathy.
But remember, comments about someone’s appearance, especially when it’s unflattering, are generally best avoided.
2) “No offense, but…”
This is a phrase that has tripped me up more times than I’d like to admit.
“No offense, but…” often seems like a good way to soften the blow of a potentially offending statement. But in reality, it has quite the opposite effect.
Let me share an example. I once told a colleague, “No offense, but I think your presentation could use a little more work.” I thought I was being constructive, but my colleague was clearly hurt.
I realized that prefacing criticism with “No offense, but…” doesn’t make the criticism less harsh. It simply signals to the other person that they should brace themselves for an offensive statement.
Instead of using this cringey phrase, it’s better to give feedback directly and respectfully. For instance, I could have said, “I think your presentation is good. However, it might be even better if you add some more data to support your points.”
3) “I’m just being honest”
“I’m just being honest” is a phrase that’s often misused in conversations. While honesty is generally appreciated, using this phrase as a lead-in to a harsh or hurtful comment doesn’t make the comment any less cringey.
This phrase can make the listener feel defensive or attacked, and it’s often perceived as an excuse to be unnecessarily harsh or critical.
Interestingly, according to a study published in the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology, people are more likely to view those who use blunt honesty without considering the feelings of others as less moral and less socially aware.
Instead of using “I’m just being honest” as a precursor to potentially hurtful honesty, it’s better to phrase our truths in a considerate and sensitive way. After all, it’s possible to be both honest and kind.
4) “Whatever”
“Whatever” is a word that, when used in the wrong context or tone, can instantly turn a conversation sour.
It often comes across as dismissive and nonchalant, which can make the other person feel unimportant or unheard. It signals a lack of interest or concern in the topic at hand or the person you’re speaking to.
Imagine being in a heated discussion and just as you’re making your point, the other person responds with a curt “whatever.” It’s enough to make any person feel undermined and ignored.
Instead of resorting to this cringey phrase, try to communicate your thoughts more effectively. If you’re feeling overwhelmed or unable to contribute to the conversation, simply express that feeling. It’s better than brushing off the entire discussion with a single word.
5) “Calm down”
We’ve all been there – in the middle of a heated argument or a stressful situation, someone advises us to “calm down.” While the intention might be good, the impact is often anything but calming.
Telling someone to “calm down,” especially when they’re visibly upset or passionate about something, can come across as dismissive and invalidating. It implies that their feelings are not justified or relevant.
Instead of using this phrase, it’s more effective to acknowledge their feelings and show empathy. Phrases like “I understand why you’re upset,” or “Let’s work through this together,” can go a long way in diffusing tension rather than escalating it.
6) “It could be worse”
When someone confides in us about a problem, our first instinct is often to comfort them. However, using the phrase “it could be worse” can unintentionally belittle their feelings and experiences.
This phrase might be intended as a reminder to keep things in perspective, but it often dismisses the person’s valid feelings of distress or worry. It implies that they shouldn’t be upset because others have it worse.
Instead of minimizing their struggle, a more compassionate response would be to acknowledge their feelings and offer support. Saying something like, “I’m really sorry you’re going through this. How can I help?” shows empathy and understanding, making them feel heard and less alone in their struggle.
7) “I know exactly how you feel”
In an attempt to empathize with someone, I’ve often found myself saying, “I know exactly how you feel.” I thought it was a way to show them that I understood their struggle.
However, I’ve come to realize that this phrase can be more cringey than comforting. No matter how similar our experiences may seem, we can’t truly know exactly how another person is feeling. Their emotions are influenced by their unique perspectives, values, and past experiences.
When we assume we know exactly how someone feels, it can come across as dismissive and even arrogant. What they need is not someone who claims to understand everything, but someone who is willing to listen and empathize with their unique experience.
So now, instead of saying “I know exactly how you feel,” I try to say something like, “That sounds really tough. I had a similar experience…” This acknowledges their feelings while also sharing my own experience in an empathetic way.
8) “Just kidding”
“Just kidding” is a phrase that can sometimes backfire in social situations. While it’s often used to lighten the mood after a joke, it can also be used to mask a hurtful comment that was made in all seriousness.
For instance, someone might say something offensive or critical and then quickly add “just kidding” in an attempt to make it seem like a joke. But the damage is often already done.
Interestingly, research suggests that humor can actually enhance our social connections when used appropriately. But when “just kidding” is used as a tool to disguise criticism or offensive remarks, it can create tension and discomfort.
Instead of hiding behind “just kidding,” it’s better to communicate openly and honestly. If a joke doesn’t land well or you accidentally say something hurtful, owning up to it and apologizing can go much further in mending the situation than a hurried “just kidding.”
9) “It’s not a big deal”
“It’s not a big deal” is often used to minimize a situation or problem. While it might be used with good intentions, like trying to alleviate someone’s worries, it can come across as dismissive and insensitive.
When someone is upset or worried about something, telling them “it’s not a big deal” can make them feel that their feelings aren’t valid or important. It fails to acknowledge the weight of what they’re experiencing from their perspective.
Instead of brushing off their concerns, it’s more helpful to offer support and understanding. Phrases like “I see why this is important to you,” or “How can we solve this together?” show that you respect their feelings and are there to help. It acknowledges their concern as significant and provides comfort and reassurance.
10) “That’s just how I am”
The phrase “that’s just how I am” is often used as a defense mechanism when someone’s behavior is called into question. While it might seem like a simple explanation, it can come across as an unwillingness to grow or change.
This phrase can make others feel like their concerns or feelings are not being taken seriously. It sends a message that you’re not open to feedback or self-improvement.
The most important thing to remember is that social skills, like any other skills, can be learned and improved over time. Recognizing the impact of our words on others and being willing to make adjustments is a crucial step in improving our interactions and relationships. Instead of resorting to “that’s just how I am,” consider saying, “I appreciate your feedback, and I’ll work on that.” This shows your willingness to grow and learn from your mistakes.
A final thought: It’s about growth
The beauty of human communication lies in its complexity and diversity. Our words, phrases, and the way we express ourselves can have far-reaching impact, often far beyond what we initially realize.
Understanding this impact and the potential cringey phrases we might be unknowingly using is not about feeling guilty or self-conscious. Instead, it’s about embracing personal growth and bettering our interactions with others.
The phrases mentioned in this article are not forbidden words but signals for us to reflect upon our communication style. They serve as reminders that there is always room to grow, to learn, and to improve how we connect with others.
Remember, it’s often not what we say but how we say it that shapes our relationships. Reflecting on our language and making positive adjustments can lead to deeper, more meaningful interactions.
In the end, it’s about being kinder with our words, more empathetic with our responses, and more mindful of how we interact with those around us. After all, communication is at heart a human endeavor – filled with flaws, but always ripe for growth.
