Valentine’s Day can be a polarizing holiday.
Some people look forward to it all year, planning elaborate surprises and heartfelt gestures. Others roll their eyes at the idea of a day so focused on romance, roses, and dinner reservations.
Personally, I believe there’s beauty in having a special day that reminds us to express love more deliberately —
provided that the expression is genuine. Over the years in my counseling practice, I’ve seen a wide range of attitudes toward Valentine’s Day, from men who go all out to those who barely acknowledge it.
But if a man is truly, deeply in love with you, there are certain behaviors he’ll avoid altogether on this holiday of love.
Now, I’m not talking about whether he buys you the “perfect gift” or writes a Shakespearean sonnet in your honor. Love can manifest in the small moments and quiet gestures.
It can also reveal itself through what someone won’t do — especially under the pressure of an event as culturally loaded as Valentine’s Day.
This Valentine’s Day, don’t forget to take a look at these 7 things a man genuinely in love with you will never do.
1. He won’t disappear or make lame excuses
One of the biggest red flags I’ve heard from clients, particularly around Valentine’s Day, is a man who suddenly becomes hard to reach.
Maybe he claims he’s “swamped at work” or that he’s “just not into the hype” so he’s going off the grid.
If a man truly cares about you, even if he’s not a fan of the commercial aspect of this holiday, he won’t vanish.
Trust me, he’ll at least offer you time and emotional presence.
You might have read my post on emotional availability, where I talked about how people who genuinely value your presence in their lives make an effort to be there for you—physically or virtually.
And let’s be honest: disappearing without explanation is often more than just an issue of busy schedules. It can reflect avoidance or a reluctance to commit.
A man deeply in love with you, on the other hand, will step up and make sure you feel seen and acknowledged, even if it’s just a quick phone call or text.
There’s a distinction between disliking the commercialism of Valentine’s Day and using that as an excuse to skip out entirely.
Genuine love is about showing up, especially during those moments when society collectively spotlights romance.
2. He won’t downplay the holiday’s importance to you
Some men will say, “Valentine’s Day is just a made-up holiday,” or, “It’s silly to celebrate love one day a year.”
Sure, it’s fair to critique how commercialized it can be. But here’s the thing:
If you genuinely care about Valentine’s Day (or even if you’re just curious to see if he’ll make an effort), he won’t belittle your feelings.
Why?
Because true love involves respect for what matters to you, even if he doesn’t fully share the same sentiments.
I once knew a couple where the woman adored every aspect of Valentine’s Day. She relished making homemade cards, decorating the living room, and baking heart-shaped cookies.
Her partner found it frivolous. Instead of trying to meet her halfway, he scoffed at her creativity.
Over time, she felt increasingly undervalued, because these gestures that brought her such joy were brushed aside.
It reminds me of something Brene Brown has often emphasized: having empathy for someone else’s emotional experience is key in any loving relationship.
3. He won’t create drama or pick fights as a form of sabotage 
I’ve counseled more than a few women who noticed a strange pattern: every time a major holiday or special event came around, their partner seemed to pick a fight.
It could be about the smallest thing — a comment taken the wrong way or perceived annoyance over dinner plans. Eventually, they realized their partner was stirring up conflict to avoid the emotional closeness that events like Valentine’s Day can bring.
When a man is genuinely in love, he doesn’t run from opportunities to celebrate your bond or show you how he feels.
Sure, disagreements happen in any relationship.
But conjuring unnecessary drama right before or on Valentine’s Day?
That’s a sign of deeper issues — like fear of intimacy or the desire to avoid emotional vulnerability.
A truly loving partner is more likely to use the holiday as a reason to connect than as a reason to disconnect.
Even if he feels some anxiety or pressure to “get it right,” he won’t sabotage the day by manufacturing tension. Instead, he’ll try to foster a spirit of togetherness, even if it’s just snuggling at home with a funny movie.
4. He won’t pressure you into extravagant displays
It’s unfortunate, but I’ve seen relationships where a man pushes his partner into planning a grand spectacle without doing much himself.
Perhaps he insists on elaborate gifts, expensive restaurants, or big social media announcements—and then barely contributes.
This kind of dynamic can leave you feeling drained and underappreciated, especially on a holiday that’s supposed to be about shared affection.
A partner who’s authentically in love recognizes that Valentine’s Day can be a two-way street.
- It might be quietly cooking dinner together or exchanging handmade notes.
- It might be a fancy date night if that’s both your style.
Either way, the point is that real love fosters balance and reciprocity.
Even if he doesn’t always match your creative flair, he’ll genuinely want to put forth effort. He’ll also make sure it’s something you both can enjoy.
5. He won’t ignore your emotional needs
On Valentine’s Day, the focus is obviously on romance, but a truly loving partner will also check in on your broader emotional state.
Are you stressed from work? Feeling anxious about a family issue
? A man who really loves you will make time to listen and offer support. He won’t assume that dressing up for dinner is enough to show he cares.
The folks at Verywell Mind have identified emotional support as one of the foundational pillars of healthy relationships.
If your man overlooks your feelings because he’s too wrapped up in his own idea of how the day should go, or if he dismisses your stress by saying, “It’s Valentine’s Day, just be happy,” that’s a red flag.
Genuine love means acknowledging that your partner might be in a complex headspace—holiday or not.
And a loving partner never loses sight of your well-being. Whether or not you do something traditionally romantic, he’ll care about how you’re actually feeling in the moment.
6. He won’t refuse to communicate about expectations
Communication is everything when it comes to preventing disappointment or resentment—especially around holidays that come with a bunch of unspoken expectations.
If a man is genuinely in love, he won’t shut down or mock you when you try to talk about your hopes for Valentine’s Day.
He’ll want to know:
- Do you want to go out to dinner, or stay in?
- How do you prefer to celebrate?
- Are gifts important or do heartfelt letters mean more?
Men who avoid these conversations often end up “winging it,” leading to misunderstandings.
If you expressed a desire for quality time and he interpreted it as wanting a fancy dinner, the night might not go the way you hoped.
In a loving, mature dynamic, he’ll open the door for these discussions, or at least be receptive when you initiate them.
That way, neither of you is left guessing—or worse, stewing in disappointment when your unspoken expectations aren’t met.
Look, I’ve known couples who treat Valentine’s Day as a big surprise. And this can be great if you both love spontaneity.
But if you’re the type who wants clarity about the plan, a considerate partner will do his best to fill you in.
7. He won’t put you in second place
I’ve saved a big one for last, friends.
When a man truly loves you, you’ll feel like a priority, not an afterthought.
If he’s scheduling a night out with friends or focusing solely on other commitments during Valentine’s Day, that can send a powerful (and discouraging) message.
Real love doesn’t mean he has to spend the entire day glued to your side, but it does mean you won’t end up feeling like you’re in the backseat of his life, especially on a holiday dedicated to celebrating partnerships.
Now, there can be valid reasons someone’s unavailable on February 14th—maybe he’s traveling for work or dealing with a family emergency.
But in those cases, he’ll communicate clearly and find another way to make you feel special. The difference is that he wants to ensure you know you matter, even if circumstances are challenging.
On the flip side, if he’s brushing you off with vague excuses or barely acknowledging you, that might be a sign he doesn’t value you the way you deserve.
Final thoughts
Valentine’s Day is just one day a year, but it’s a revealing snapshot of how a person treats you.
If a man is genuinely in love with you, he’ll ensure you feel seen, respected, and supported, rather than leaving you stranded in uncertainty. He won’t find reasons to vanish or sabotage the day.
Over the years, I’ve watched countless individuals fret about whether their partner’s Valentine’s Day behavior accurately reflects their love.
I’d suggest looking more at what he refuses to do.
Does he steer clear of excuses, disrespect, or apathy? Is he free of manipulative tactics or an all-about-me approach?
These are the silent signals that often speak louder than any bouquet of roses or a heart-shaped box of chocolates.
In the end, Valentine’s Day is less about extravagant gifts and more about genuine presence.
If he’s truly in love with you, he’ll show up—both physically and emotionally. And that, in my opinion, is what truly makes any day (holiday or not) a celebration of love.
Signing off
