Breakups are rarely simple.
Even when two people decide to part ways, the emotional ties can linger in all sorts of unexpected ways.
In my counseling practice, I’ve seen plenty of individuals struggling to move on, but I’ve also come across many ex-partners who just can’t let go — no matter how much time passes.
If you’re wondering whether your ex still carries a torch for you, watch out for these seven signs.
1. They keep finding excuses to reach out
One of the first things I notice with clients is how their ex keeps popping back into their daily lives through texts, calls, or messages on social media.
Sometimes, these conversations seem innocent—maybe a random question about a mutual friend or an old photo they stumbled upon.
But ask yourself: do they really need to message you about that?
The thing is that consistent contact can be a sign of unresolved attachment. If the lines of communication feel forced rather than necessary, it may indicate they’re not over you and might be looking for any possible way to stay connected.
2. They cling to keepsakes and reminders
Have you ever heard your ex mention they’ve still got your favorite sweater or that they’re holding onto the concert ticket stubs from your first date?
On the surface, it might look sweet.
But people who truly want to move on usually make peace with letting those mementos go—or at least tucking them away.
In my book, Breaking The Attachment: How To Overcome Codependency in Your Relationship, I stress that sentimental items can keep us tied to the past.
If your ex is preserving every little trinket and finds ways to bring them up, it might be a subtle cry for attention or a sign they’re not ready to release the relationship.
3. They steer conversations toward your personal life
I’ve talked to individuals who notice their ex constantly asking mutual friends about them.
“How’s work going for her? Is she dating anyone?”
This kind of prying suggests they’re still invested in your day-to-day realities—even if they pretend it’s just casual curiosity.
When we care deeply about someone, it’s natural to be curious.
Yet if you sense that your ex’s interest in your life feels more like low-key detective work, it’s a clue they aren’t emotionally detached. They’re still searching for a window into your world.
4. They compare everyone new to you
“You might have read my post on unhelpful comparison traps in relationships.”
One big indicator your ex isn’t over you is if you catch them comparing new partners—or even friends—to you.
Maybe they say things like, “Nobody makes me laugh like you did,” or, “No one gets me the way you used to.”
That kind of sentiment can feel flattering, but it can also keep both of you stuck.
Tony Robbins once noted, “Where focus goes, energy flows.”
Based on this, if your ex is focusing energy on comparing new connections to what you had, it’s likely they’re mentally replaying your relationship instead of healing and moving forward.
5. They’re overly affected by your presence
Some exes handle run-ins with a cool nod or a polite hello.
But others might exhibit nervous energy, act defensively, or go out of their way to avoid you altogether.
If your ex’s mood takes a major nosedive or skyrockets whenever you’re around, it suggests powerful emotions are still at play.
I once worked with a client whose ex literally left a party the moment she arrived. That might sound like disinterest, but it was actually the opposite.
He was so overwhelmed by lingering feelings, he couldn’t handle being in the same room. Emotional extremes—positive or negative—often indicate unresolved attachment.
6. They can’t stop rehashing old arguments
Looking back, this one probably deserved a higher spot on the list.
Anyway, re-living old drama is a surefire way to keep a relationship alive—even when it’s technically over.
If your ex consistently brings up arguments or re-litigates old issues, there’s a part of them still tied to the dynamic you once shared.
Genuine closure involves forgiving the past and letting it rest in peace. Rehashing, on the other hand, means those emotional wounds haven’t healed.
As Brene Brown has said, “Vulnerability sounds like truth and feels like courage.” And if your ex can’t step into a space of vulnerability and acceptance, they’re likely stuck in a loop of what used to be.
7. They show signs of jealousy over your new connections
I’ve saved a big one for last, friends.
Jealousy is a powerful emotion that often points to unprocessed feelings.
If your ex has a habit of grilling you about new people in your life or expressing anger when they see you post photos with someone else, it’s clear evidence they’re not over you.
In healthy relationships—past or present—everyone respects each other’s autonomy and growth. When your ex can’t do that, it signals they’re still emotionally tethered.
As the team at Psychology Today once noted, jealousy often arises from fear of loss.
And if they’re afraid of losing you (even though the relationship is done), it suggests they haven’t fully let go.
Final thoughts
Romantic breakups can take a toll on both sides, especially when one person can’t quite release the bond.
If you recognize these signs, it may be time for an honest conversation or a careful check on your own emotional boundaries.
Sometimes it’s flattering to know an ex still cares, but it can also block you both from moving forward and finding new paths to happiness.
Ultimately, healing requires acceptance—and acceptance can’t blossom if someone remains entangled in what was. As a counselor, I’ve seen that the best step you can take is to protect your own well-being.
Whether you decide to reconnect or truly close the door, be mindful of these indicators and trust your instincts about what’s healthiest for you.
Signing off
