Have you ever been in a conversation where you genuinely thought you were being polite or humble, only to realize afterward that you came across as insecure or dismissive?
I’ve been there, and let me tell you: a few well-meaning words can tank the respect others have for you if you’re not careful. Words carry weight.
They subtly shape how we see ourselves and how others see us.
Through my work as a counselor and writer, I’ve spotted a handful of phrases that seem harmless at first but can undermine authority, authenticity, and genuine connection.
Let’s look at 7 of these verbal pitfalls and explore why it’s time to give them the boot.
1) “I’m sorry to bother you, but…”
We all apologize on occasion, and that’s perfectly fine.
But how often do you begin an email or conversation with “I’m sorry to bother you…” when you haven’t actually done anything wrong?
This phrase preemptively puts you in a position of lesser importance.
You’re framing your presence as intrusive, even when you have a valid reason to talk.
Over-apologizing can dull your impact in the workplace and beyond.
Dr. Harriet Lerner, a psychologist known for her work on shame and vulnerability, points out that we often say “I’m sorry” to cushion potential conflict or rejection.
The result?
We undermine our own self-assurance. A better approach might be, “Hey, do you have a moment to talk?” That phrasing feels direct and respectful without the unnecessary guilt trip.
2) “This might be a silly question, but…”
When you tell someone you’re about to say something silly, you practically hand them permission not to take you seriously.
I’m a big fan of asking questions — intellectual curiosity is a cornerstone of growth. But labeling your query as “silly” or “stupid” signals to others that you doubt your intelligence.
Curiosity shouldn’t be self-deprecating.
Susan Cain, author of Quiet, encourages embracing the full range of our inquisitiveness without shame.
For instance, try reframing with: “I have a question—could you clarify how this works?”
That small linguistic shift conveys confidence and a willingness to learn, two traits that typically command respect.
3) “I’ll try…”
I used to rely heavily on “I’ll try” when I wasn’t sure if I could pull something off.
It felt non-committal enough to protect me if I failed. But guess what? “I’ll try” can subtly convey doubt or lack of seriousness.
When people hear “I’ll try,” they might interpret, “I’m not entirely invested, so don’t hold me accountable.”
As Yoda famously quipped in Star Wars, “Do or do not. There is no try.” While we don’t live in a galaxy far, far away, the point still stands.
If you’re capable of taking on a task, own it: “I will do it.”
If you truly can’t, speak up: “I’m not available for that right now.” Clarity and assertiveness create a strong impression of reliability.
4) “Whatever you think is best.”
Passivity might seem like a good way to keep the peace.
But consistently deferring to others suggests you either lack an opinion or lack the confidence to voice it.
People generally appreciate collaborators who bring ideas to the table—even if they’re not perfect—rather than those who offer no perspective.
In my counseling work, I’ve observed that chronically passive responses can lead to bottled-up resentment.
You might get annoyed if you believe no one listens to you, yet you’re the one opting out of the conversation. Instead, share a viewpoint: “I’m leaning toward this option. What do you think?”
That phrasing respects the other person’s input while making your own stance known.
5) “I’m just saying…”
When we tack “I’m just saying…” onto the end of a statement, we often minimize our own stance.
It’s like we’re giving a disclaimer: “Don’t get mad at me. I don’t want to stand behind this too strongly.” But if you’re speaking up, own your words.
Daniel Goleman, who popularized emotional intelligence, has noted that clarity and confidence in communication are huge factors in how others perceive you.
If there’s a risk that your opinion may be controversial, try addressing it calmly and logically:
“Here’s what I’ve observed, and here’s why I see it that way.”
If you don’t want to come across as pushy, you can still invite dialogue without diluting your message.
6) “I could be wrong, but…”
This phrase is similar to “This might be silly…” in that it preemptively weakens what you’re about to say.
Of course, everyone can be wrong sometimes.
But signaling that you might be wrong before you even share your viewpoint sends the message that you’re not really confident or prepared.
If you want to show that you’re open to correction, you can simply say, “Here’s my understanding—tell me if you see it differently.”
That opens the door for discussion without knocking your own stance to the floor before anyone else even has a chance.
7) “No problem!” (instead of “You’re welcome”)
Looking back, this one probably deserved a higher spot on the list. Anyway… “No problem!” has become a casual placeholder for “You’re welcome.”
Most people say it out of habit. But think about the subtle difference in meaning. “No problem” suggests it wasn’t an inconvenience to help, which implies there could have been one.
A straightforward “You’re welcome” feels more gracious and confident.
As Tony Robbins has said, “The way we communicate with others and with ourselves ultimately determines the quality of our lives.”
Language shapes our relationships. When someone thanks you, embrace it. “You’re welcome” or “My pleasure” shows you take pride in being of help, which can boost how others perceive you.
Final thoughts
Communication is more than just the words we choose; it’s the tone, body language, and context too.
But words do matter.
They can convey confidence, clarity, and respect—or self-doubt and hesitation.
If you catch yourself uttering any of these seven phrases, don’t beat yourself up. Awareness is the first step to meaningful change. You can slowly replace them with more proactive statements that reinforce self-assurance and credibility.
Want to be more respected?
Practice speaking in a way that highlights your competence and self-worth, and be mindful when old habits slip in.
Over time, you’ll find your relationships, personal and professional, respond to that shift. And that’s the real payoff: feeling authentic in your interactions and earning the respect you deserve.
