Moving in together is a big step in any relationship. It’s exciting, sure, but it also comes with some serious financial implications.
Money matters, whether we like to admit it or not. And when you’re sharing a space with your significant other, it’s best to get those pesky financial questions out of the way before you start picking out curtains.
Here’s the thing: financial compatibility is just as important as emotional compatibility in a relationship. I’ve seen too many couples who are madly in love, but when it comes to money, they’re on completely different pages.
And trust me, that’s a recipe for disaster.
In this article, we’re going to tackle seven essential financial questions every couple should answer before moving in together. Not only will this help you avoid future arguments, but it will also set the foundation for a harmonious living situation.
1) “What are our individual financial situations?”
The first step to creating a financially harmonious home is understanding each other’s financial situation.
We all come from different financial backgrounds, and these differences can often lead to misunderstandings and conflict. So it’s crucial to have an open and honest discussion about your incomes, debts, savings, and financial goals.
Are you carrying a significant amount of student loan debt? Do you have a hefty savings account? Are you living paycheck to paycheck? These are all things your partner deserves to know before you start sharing bills and expenses.
Remember, this isn’t about judgement. It’s about setting realistic expectations and making sure you’re on the same page financially. After all, money troubles are one of the leading causes of relationship stress and breakups.
So grab a cup of coffee, sit down together, and start talking. It might be uncomfortable, but it’s the first step towards a financially stable life together.
2) “Should we combine our finances or keep them separate?”
Here’s something you may not expect: Combining finances isn’t always the best decision for every couple.
Sure, it might seem like the logical next step when you move in together. But is it really the best move for you and your partner?
Some couples find that maintaining separate accounts while contributing to a joint account for household expenses works best for them. This allows each partner to maintain some financial independence while still contributing to the shared household costs.
Others might prefer to fully merge their finances, viewing it as a symbol of their commitment and partnership.
There isn’t a one-size-fits-all answer to this question. It depends on your individual financial situations, your relationship dynamics, and your personal comfort levels.
Don’t just assume that combining finances is the next step. Have a discussion, weigh the pros and cons, and decide what’s best for both of you. You might be surprised at what you discover.
3) “How will we handle unexpected expenses?”
Life happens, and with it comes unexpected expenses. The car breaks down. Your roof starts leaking. Or, you have to make an emergency trip to the vet. The question is, how will you both handle these unexpected costs?
In my experience working with couples, this is one financial issue that often gets overlooked until it’s too late. But planning for these situations ahead of time can save you a lot of stress and arguments down the road.
Are you both going to contribute equally to these expenses? Or will the person who earns more cover a larger portion? What if one of you loses your job? These are scenarios worth discussing before they happen.
And if you’re looking for more insights on how to navigate challenges in your relationship, I’ve written about these topics and more in my book Breaking The Attachment: How To Overcome Codependency in Your Relationship. It’s a helpful guide for those wanting to build healthier, more balanced relationships.
But back to the point – planning for unexpected expenses is crucial. So sit down, have this conversation, and make a plan that both of you are comfortable with.
4) “What is our approach to saving and spending?”
You’ve probably heard of the age-old conflict: the saver versus the spender. But here’s the thing – it’s not about who’s right or wrong. It’s about understanding each other’s financial habits and finding a middle ground.
Are you a saver who gets anxious at the thought of unnecessary spending? Or are you a spender who believes in enjoying your money now? Recognizing where you both stand can help prevent future financial disagreements.
As Oprah Winfrey once wisely said, “You can have it all. You just can’t have it all at once.” It’s all about balance – saving for the future while also allowing yourself to enjoy the present.
I’ve seen couples find their harmony by setting up a budget that caters to both their spending and saving habits. And trust me, it makes a world of difference in their relationship.
Take some time to discuss your saving and spending habits. It may be an eye-opening conversation that brings you both closer together.
5) “How will we handle financial disagreements?”
Here’s a fact: even the most financially compatible couples will have disagreements about money. It might be over a big purchase, differing financial goals, or simple everyday spending habits.
But how you handle these disagreements can make all the difference.
In my work with couples, I’ve found that open and respectful communication is the key. It’s not about who’s right or wrong, but about understanding each other’s perspectives and finding a compromise.
One approach could be to establish a ‘cooling off’ period for big purchases. This gives both of you the time to think it over and discuss it calmly before making a decision.
Remember, it’s perfectly normal to have different viewpoints when it comes to money. But navigating these differences with patience and respect can help ensure they don’t turn into major conflicts.
So talk about how you’ll handle financial disagreements before they happen. It’s another step towards building a strong and resilient financial partnership.
6) “What are our long-term financial goals?”
Planning for the future is just as important as managing your current financial situation. And that involves discussing your long-term financial goals.
Do you both dream of buying a house in the countryside? Or maybe you want to travel the world once you retire. Whatever your goals may be, it’s crucial to make sure they align or at least complement each other.
Remember what inventor and businessman Thomas Edison said, “Good fortune is what happens when opportunity meets with planning.” It’s not enough to have a dream, you also need a plan to achieve it.
In my experience, couples who discuss and plan for their future tend to feel more secure and connected in their relationship. So don’t shy away from these conversations. Embrace them.
And if you want more tips on relationships and personal growth, don’t forget to follow me on Facebook at Tina Fey’s Love Connection. I regularly share my latest articles and insights there.
But let’s get back on track: discussing your long-term financial goals is critical. So make a date, dream big, and start planning together for your future.
7) “Are we both prepared for the worst-case scenario?”
This is a tough one, but it’s necessary. Because let’s be honest, life can throw some serious curveballs our way.
What happens if one of you falls seriously ill and can’t work? Or if there’s a sudden job loss? It’s grim to think about, but these are realities that many couples face.
Being financially prepared for the worst-case scenario can provide a safety net during these challenging times. This might involve setting up an emergency fund, getting the right insurance coverage, or creating a plan to cut back on expenses.
Yes, it’s uncomfortable to think about, let alone discuss. But it’s also one of the most loving things you can do for each other.
So, take a deep breath and dive into this discussion. It’s better to be prepared for the worst and hope for the best, than to be caught off guard when life throws you a curveball.
Wrapping up
The journey of love and cohabitation is a beautiful, but often complex, dance. It requires patience and understanding, of course. But let’s not forget the role that financial compatibility plays in this equation.
As we’ve discussed, it’s not always about having identical financial habits or goals, but rather, finding a harmonious balance and understanding of each other’s financial perspectives.
In my experience as a relationship expert, I’ve seen the impact that these open and honest financial discussions can have on a couple’s harmony and satisfaction. So don’t shy away from them. Embrace them.
I’m reminded of a quote by the wise Leonard Cohen, “There is a crack in everything. That’s how the light gets in.” It’s okay to uncover these cracks or differences in your financial approaches. That’s how you let the light in and grow stronger as a couple.
For more insights into relationships and personal growth, I recommend watching this video by Justin Brown.
He delves into the complexities of finding a life partner and shares his top insights, all of which resonate deeply with the topics we’ve discussed in this article.
Remember, love isn’t just about romance and shared interests. It’s also about building a strong financial partnership that can weather any storm, together.
