Everyone said motherhood would be beautiful.
And yes, there are definitely those picture-perfect moments: the first time your child smiles at you, the warm cuddles on a lazy afternoon, the pride you feel when they achieve something new.
But if you’ve ever felt a deep, persistent loneliness creep in when the excitement settles, you’re not alone.
It’s a paradox I’ve grappled with as both a mom and a psychologist—I’ve learned that, even in a home full of the noise of toys and tiny voices, it’s possible to feel profoundly isolated.
For those of us who’ve been there, it can be jarring to admit: “I love my kids dearly, so why do I feel so alone?”
Through my own journey, I’ve realized that motherhood changes not just our schedules but our sense of who we are.
If that sense gets lost in the shuffle, we start doubting ourselves, feeling misunderstood, or struggling to find a listening ear.
So, how do we reclaim our identity and nurture our well-being in the thick of it?
Below are seven ways I’ve been finding myself again.
Maybe they’ll spark some new ideas or remind you that you, too, deserve the time and space to be who you are—beyond that beautiful role of “mom.”
1. Recognizing that loneliness is normal
I used to think I was the only one experiencing pangs of isolation when I was on maternity leave.
Everyone else seemed so fulfilled.
The truth?
Many moms feel this way at some point.
We transition from our old routines—office interactions, social events, spontaneous coffee dates—to a day-to-day life that can feel repetitive and isolating.
Realizing that loneliness is a normal part of this process is a big step toward breaking free from the shame around it.
2. Reclaiming little pockets of “me time”
Have you ever wondered, “Is it selfish to want time away from my kids?”
I did, for a long time.
Then I discovered that a small window of personal space can recharge me enough to be a more present, patient mom.
Motherhood doesn’t mean you must sacrifice every personal pursuit—be it reading a novel, practicing yoga, or simply sipping tea in silence.
Recently, I started sneaking in 15 minutes of journaling right after I put my kids to bed.
No elaborate setup—just me, a pen, and the day’s events swirling around in my head.
It’s amazing how much lighter I feel when I give myself this daily check-in. As Oprah has said, “You have to find what sparks a light in you so that you, in your own way, can illuminate the world.” For me, that sparkle comes back when I intentionally carve out these tiny pockets of solitude.
3. Connecting with other moms (and humans!)
I once shared my story of loneliness with a mom-friend I met at a local parenting group.
Her immediate response was, “I thought I was the only one.”
That simple revelation—finding out we were both struggling behind our cheerful social masks—instantly brought us closer.
If you’re hesitant about joining new groups or scheduling a playdate with someone you barely know, you’re not alone.
But dipping your toe into new social circles can be a game-changer. Whether it’s a parenting class, a meet-up in the park, or an online mom forum, connecting with others who get it helps you feel seen.
I talked about a similar concept in another post you might have read on feeling more confident in social situations—sometimes, taking that small, intimidating first step can pave the way for deeper bonds and mutual support.
And it’s not just about “mom friends.”
Rekindling old friendships or making time for a regular phone chat with a friend who doesn’t have kids can keep your sense of identity well-rounded.
4. Rediscovering my pre-mom passions
“Who was I before diapers, bedtime routines, and snack schedules?”
That’s a question I asked myself when my second child started preschool.
It was startling to realize how much my hobbies and interests had vanished into the background.
If you’re also thinking about it, try to recall what lit you up when you were younger or when you had more free time—maybe it was painting, dancing, hiking, or playing the guitar.
For me, it was pottery. As strange as it sounds, shaping clay on a wheel and feeling it take form in my hands became an almost meditative experience.
I’m not cranking out museum-worthy vases, trust me, but the process brings me pure joy and a sense of reconnection with who I am at my core. Simply pursuing something you used to love—no matter how small—can remind you that you are more than a caretaker.
5. Letting go of the “perfect mom” myth
We’ve all scrolled past those Instagram posts showcasing immaculate living rooms, color-coordinated toy sets, and kids happily munching on homemade quinoa bites.
In those moments, it’s easy to feel inadequate. The reality is, no one’s life is as flawless as it seems on social media.
And believing that we need to strive for that unrealistic standard only deepens our sense of isolation.
I’ve had countless conversations with my clients who say things like, “I feel like a failure if I can’t keep up.” My response is always the same:
You’re doing enough.
Perfection is a moving target you’ll never catch. Brené Brown, a researcher who often nails the essence of vulnerability, once said, “We don’t have to do it all alone. We were never meant to.”
Embracing that truth helped me let go of the pressure to be a superhero and allowed me to accept help—from my partner, my family, even my kids when they’re old enough to do small tasks.
6. Creating open communication at home
One thing I’ve noticed is that loneliness can sometimes stem from not feeling heard by the very people we see daily—our family.
If you have a partner, do they know you’re feeling this way?
Are you casually dropping hints, hoping they’ll read your mind, or are you having an honest conversation about what you need?
For a while, I kept my loneliness to myself, assuming it was a personal failing.
But once I opened up—truly opened up—my spouse stepped in with more support.
He started taking the kids out for an hour on Sundays so I could recharge. We also began talking about our days in more depth, focusing not just on schedules but on how we’re feeling.
This shift in communication created a bridge instead of a wall, reducing the isolation I felt within my own home.
And if you’re a single parent, nurturing open lines of communication with friends or family members can be just as powerful.
Sometimes, all you need is someone to listen and say, “I hear you.”
7. Seeking professional and personal guidance
Last but not least, there’s immense value in talking to a professional—someone who’s trained to navigate the complicated emotional landscape of motherhood.
Yes, I’m a psychologist, but I’m also human.
Even I benefit from having a therapist I trust. It’s a place to unpack everything without fear of judgment and to learn coping tools tailored to my situation.
If therapy isn’t accessible for you right now, consider self-help resources like journaling prompts, online workshops, or supportive communities.
Some moms find solace in mindfulness practices. Others lean on close friends who provide that listening ear.
The key is to remind yourself that you don’t have to do this alone. As John Gottman, known for his work on emotional well-being in relationships, has noted, “Acknowledging and understanding our feelings is the first step toward managing them.”
The bottom line
Motherhood can be beautiful, but it can also be lonely—and it’s okay to admit that.
Feeling isolated doesn’t make you a bad parent. You haven’t failed at anything.
Like any life transition, this stage comes with growing pains, and part of that involves renegotiating who you are and how you relate to the world around you.
By recognizing that loneliness is common, carving out small windows of personal time, reconnecting with old passions, and leaning on a supportive network, you can rediscover the parts of yourself that got lost in the shuffle. Real talk: it won’t be a neat, linear path.
Some days, you’ll soar, and other days, you’ll feel like you’re back at square one. But each small step toward self-understanding and self-care is a step toward a healthier, more fulfilled version of you.
Remember, at Blog Herald—and in communities of parents all over the world—we truly believe in the power of connection and self-growth.
Lean into that community and let yourself be seen. You deserve it, and so do your little ones. They’ll benefit more fr
