Generational shifts are fascinating—especially when it comes to dating.
I’ve noticed time and time again in my own counseling practice that what our parents (or grandparents) believed about courtship and romance can be wildly different from what many younger adults prioritize today.
It’s not just about new technology like dating apps (though that obviously plays a role).
It’s also about shifting mindsets—how we view roles, expectations, vulnerability, and long-term commitment.
I remember, in my late twenties, I struggled to reconcile some old-fashioned dating “rules” my mother passed down with the more flexible approach I saw among my peers.
Frankly, it was confusing.
If you’ve found yourself pondering why your grandparents got engaged after just a few months—while your best friend has been dating someone for three years and isn’t planning on marriage anytime soon—then this article is for you.
Let’s look at eight common dating beliefs many Boomers hold onto that younger folks simply don’t buy into, according to both research and real-life observations.
1) You should wait for them to call you.
Have you ever heard the phrase “Don’t call them; let them call you first”?
This old-school piece of advice was practically carved in stone back in the day.
The reasoning was that it kept the pursuer-chase dynamic interesting, showcasing that one person (often the woman) is “hard to get,” and the other is the active pursuer.
Younger daters today? They generally find this advice, well, dated.
If you’re really interested in someone, you text or call—simple as that. You might even FaceTime.
It’s not about coming off as too eager; it’s about authentic connection and mutual effort.
Psychologically speaking, the concept of “playing it cool” or “hard to get” can backfire.
The modern mantra is: Let’s not waste time with power plays.
2) You should never talk about finances early on.
Another piece of Boomer-era wisdom goes like this: “Money talk is taboo until you’re practically engaged.”
I recall my own parents warning me not to scare men away by discussing income or debt early on.
But from what I’ve seen in counseling sessions with millennials and Gen Z clients, they don’t just disagree with this idea, they actively do the opposite.
Today, younger individuals want transparency, sometimes from the get-go.
If you’re aiming to build a life with someone, or even if you’re just sharing living expenses short-term, it’s important to know each other’s financial situation.
And let’s be honest—things like student loans, credit scores, and spending habits can drastically impact a relationship’s future.
When couples hide financial realities out of fear or perceived social etiquette, it can lead to misunderstandings, resentment, and broken trust down the road.
For younger people, honesty about money isn’t being “forward”—it’s being practical.
3) Men should always be the initiators.
In many Boomer-influenced households, the blueprint was something like this:
The man picks the place, drives the car, pays the bill, and decides where the relationship is going.
The woman’s role?
Follow the lead and appear “feminine” by not making the first move.
Younger generations have largely discarded this dynamic, embracing equality and fluidity in gender roles.
Women today are often encouraged to ask men out, plan the date, split the tab, or do all of the above.
In fact, many find it a turn-off if the other person insists on being the exclusive decision-maker.
It can feel too rigid, as though one partner is handing over power and losing authenticity.
4) Playing hard to get is the best way to build attraction.
I’m sure you’ve heard this: “Don’t be too available, or you’ll seem desperate!”
While a certain degree of patience and personal boundaries can indeed be wise, many of today’s younger daters are saying, “Enough with the game-playing.”
From a psychological perspective, the concept of intermittent reinforcement (where you reward someone’s attention sporadically) can create an addictive, chase-like dynamic.
Yet, it often breeds confusion more than authentic emotional bonding.
When I was in my teens, I’d sometimes wait days to respond to a message because I’d been told that’s how to “keep them interested.”
But as I grew older (and hopefully wiser), I realized that real connection thrives on honest conversation, consistent availability, and kindness.
5) Don’t move in together until you’re married (or at least engaged).
I’ve encountered this belief countless times, often from Boomers who see cohabitation as a risky choice.
The fear, historically, was that living together without marital commitment might reduce the seriousness of the relationship or lead to moral judgment from the community.
These days, however, cohabitation is often seen as a practical step rather than a scandalous leap.
Many younger folks believe it’s a necessary way to gauge compatibility on a deeper level: shared finances, household chores, sleeping schedules, and plain old day-to-day coexistence.
Research backs this up. A Pew Research Center study revealed that a significant majority of younger adults view living together as a valid test run before making the ultimate commitment.
Younger generations also tend to place a higher premium on personal compatibility and mutual alignment than on fulfilling external expectations about when and how to share a home.
6) You shouldn’t show too much vulnerability too soon.
For many Boomers, vulnerability was sometimes equated with weakness or oversharing.
The rationale was that presenting your “best self” (i.e., your carefully curated self) was the key to winning someone’s heart.
Once you’re married or at least well-established in the relationship, then you can gradually open up about your insecurities or deeper emotions.
Younger people, in contrast, often champion open, honest dialogue from the start.
I’ve seen a shift in how quickly couples discuss mental health, personal struggles, and therapy experiences.
It’s not unusual for a first or second date to include talk of anxiety, childhood trauma, or personal growth journeys.
A lot of younger folks would argue that if someone can’t handle your honesty, maybe they’re not the right match anyway.
7) If a date doesn’t lead to a second date, it was a failure.
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard Boomer clients bemoan a “failed” date just because it didn’t lead to a second one.
In the more traditional view, dating had an end goal of finding a spouse—so any connection that didn’t immediately blossom into a serious relationship was seen as wasted time.
Younger generations, however, often have a broader perspective.
Yes, many still want a serious relationship, but they also see dating as a chance for personal growth, networking, and learning about themselves.
I once had a younger client who said, “I meet new people, discover new restaurants, maybe get fresh perspectives on life.
Even if there’s no follow-up date, it’s hardly a failure.”
This aligns with the increasing emphasis on self-development.
Not every date has to be “the one.” Sometimes, it’s okay for it just to be one fun evening or a stepping stone toward discovering what you truly want in a partner.
8) Marriage is the ultimate indicator of success in a relationship.
Looking back, this one probably deserved a higher spot on the list.
Anyway, for many Boomers, marriage was the defining milestone.
If you were in a long-term partnership but hadn’t “made it official,” eyebrows were raised. Were you avoiding commitment? Wasting your best years?
Younger folks don’t necessarily see it that way.
Some might choose to marry.
Others might co-parent, live together indefinitely, or maintain separate homes but still share a deeply committed life.
I’ve met numerous younger couples in my counseling practice who say they feel perfectly happy without a legal document, and many see marriage as one path among many, not the pinnacle of achievement.
Sure, a wedding can be beautiful, and I’m personally a fan of celebrating love.
But I also respect that different people chart different paths—whether that involves a ring or not.
As Maya Angelou once said, “Love recognizes no barriers.” And that pretty much sums up the younger generations’ view on what truly matters—genuine connection, shared goals, and mutual respect, not just a status label.
Final thoughts
Beliefs around dating aren’t just about the times we live in; they’re about cultural context, personal upbringing, and our own internal narratives.
Boomers grew up in a world shaped by different social norms—ones that often emphasized etiquette and marital milestones above deeper emotional exploration.
Younger folks have created a culture that’s more fluid, more open, and often more authentic when it comes to forging connections.
Neither approach is universally right or wrong.
If you ask me, the key is staying curious.
If you have a Boomer parent or grandparent offering advice, don’t just dismiss it.
Listen to the underlying values—commitment, respect, maybe even caution—and then adapt them to your own reality.
Conversely, if you lean toward a newer mindset, don’t dismiss the idea that certain old-fashioned courtesies (like letting someone pick you up or open a door) can also be lovely gestures. There’s room for both.
