I still remember the first time I recognized the power of a well-structured argument.
I was in my early days working in brand strategy, and I watched one of my mentors calmly dismantle a major client’s objections without ever raising his voice.
Even though he disagreed with the client, by the end of that conversation, everyone seemed more aligned and trusting.
At that moment, I realized that it’s entirely possible to get your point across—firmly and convincingly—without turning hostile or hurting anyone’s feelings.
Over the years, I’ve tried to refine my own approach, both in professional settings and personal relationships.
And now, I want to share with you some key behaviors I’ve observed (and practiced) that can help you become really good at winning arguments in a measured, empathetic way.
Below are eight behaviors that can bring clarity and composure to your discussions, ensuring you walk away with stronger relationships, not shattered ones.
1) They approach the conversation with curiosity
I’ve noticed that the best communicators—whether they’re in a boardroom or talking to family—start by framing a disagreement as an opportunity to learn, not just a chance to “school” the other person.
When I first shifted my mindset this way, it transformed the entire tone of my conversations. Instead of viewing the other person as an adversary, I saw them as someone who had valuable insights I might not have yet.
If you walk into a debate truly open to hearing a new perspective, that energy carries over to your counterpart.
People who excel at non-aggressive persuasion often invite the other side to explain their viewpoint in detail. This willingness to learn signals respect and sets a cooperative tone—one that’s essential if you genuinely want a resolution, and not just a victory lap.
2) They practice active listening
I’ve touched on active listening before in an earlier post, but I can’t emphasize it enough.
When I stopped trying to form my rebuttal while the other person was still talking, I actually heard them—sometimes for the first time. I discovered that many conflicts escalate simply because both parties feel ignored.
For me, it was humbling to realize how rarely I offered undivided attention.
Nowadays, I put my phone away, maintain eye contact, and let the other person finish their thoughts before I speak. And I’m not the only one who recognizes the significance of this habit.
Experts from Very Well Mind underscore that active listening can improve empathy and reduce misunderstandings in heated discussions.
3) They remain calm under pressure
I learned early on that when tempers flare, it’s almost impossible to make progress. Especially during a difficult conversation.
During a high-stakes negotiation for a brand campaign, I watched my then-boss keep his composure as the client lobbed one emotional complaint after another. He simply took a breath before responding, never letting the heat of the moment dictate his words.
It’s tempting to match someone’s elevated tone when you feel attacked, but successful communicators do the opposite: they lower the temperature.
Sometimes I’ll pause, take a sip of water, or even propose a quick break if the tension is too high. People who excel in conflicts understand that maintaining calm is their secret weapon—it keeps them focused on facts and not on flinging emotional jabs.
4) They use empathetic language
When I was handling branding for major companies, I noticed how carefully they chose words to connect with their audience’s emotions.
That same principle applies to disagreements in everyday life. Using empathetic language doesn’t mean you have to agree; it means you acknowledge the other person’s perspective.
Phrases like, “I see where you’re coming from,” or “I understand how that could be frustrating,” go a long way.
The crew at The Gottman Institute sheds light on this, noting that empathy lays the groundwork for constructive dialogue and lasting understanding.
Whenever I sense a debate might spin out of control, I inject a little empathy. It doesn’t weaken my point; it actually strengthens the bridge between both sides.
5) They focus on the issue, not the person
I’ve fallen into the trap of personal attacks more times than I’d like to admit.
It usually happens when I’m frustrated, and instead of zeroing in on the actual point of contention, I shift to accusing or labeling the other person.
This never ends well.
In the words of James Clear, it’s clear that “Habits are the compound interest of self-improvement.”
Although he’s referring to daily routines, I believe the principle applies to how we speak, too. If you make a habit of attacking the issue rather than the individual, you compound mutual respect over time. This approach consistently brings better outcomes, because the person across from you will still feel valued—even if you disagree with their stance.
6) They gracefully concede valid points
One of the more humbling lessons I’ve learned is that the best “arguers” know when they’re beaten—at least on specific details.
It took me a while to realize that conceding a point doesn’t mean I lose the entire debate.
Rather, it shows I’m reasonable and open-minded.
When I politely admit, “You have a good point there,” the tension almost visibly diffuses.
It may sound counterintuitive, but acknowledging when the other person is correct often adds weight to the points you’re sticking to.
You’re no longer coming off as a rigid, one-sided thinker. Instead, you become someone who’s objective enough to see truth, even if it comes from the other side of the table. After all, if you can’t handle the truth in small doses, why should anyone trust your argument in the larger debate?
7) They know how to reframe the discussion
Sometimes the real problem isn’t the other person’s argument—it’s the way you both are looking at it.
In branding, I often had to shift the narrative to help clients see an opportunity instead of a roadblock. The same skill applies to personal disagreements. If you reframe the conversation from “who’s at fault” to “how can we fix this,” you change the entire energy of the discussion.
I use reframing whenever I sense we’re going in circles.
Maybe we’re both stuck in a blame game; I’ll suggest focusing on what we can do better next time. This pivot immediately deflates aggression and turns the conversation into a collaborative problem-solving session. It’s an incredibly effective way to push forward when the discussion feels stagnant.
8) They wrap up with a solution-oriented mindset
The best communicators I’ve encountered rarely end a conversation with a simple “agree to disagree.”
It’s not because they force consensus, but because they look for tangible next steps or mutual takeaways. In my experience, a discussion that concludes with a clear path forward is far more satisfying—and far less likely to resurface as a future conflict.
I try to make it a habit (especially at work) to summarize any agreements we reached and outline the next moves.
If I’m in a personal argument with a friend or partner, I might say something like, “So, we’re going to check in with each other next week on this, right?” This kind of practical closure signals that both parties have been heard, and it sets the stage for cooperation.
Your turn: make it a daily practice
You don’t have to wait for a major disagreement to practice these habits.
Start small.
The next time a minor conflict arises—maybe over where to eat dinner—try approaching it with curiosity, or practicing that extra moment of calm before you speak.
These moments build up, just like James Clear’s “compound interest” of self-improvement. And as these behaviors become second nature, you’ll find that you can hold your ground confidently, without letting aggression derail the conversation.
