Have you ever looked at your child and thought, “Are they really ready for what’s out there?” I have— and let me be honest, it’s nerve-wracking.
Our world can be chaotic, and by the time our kids reach adulthood, they’ve often gleaned a sugar-coated version of reality. It’s only natural to want to protect them from life’s harsh edges.
But as they say, knowledge is power. And in my experience as both a parent and a relationship counselor, it’s these tough lessons that actually set them free.
I’d like to share with you ten truths I believe every parent should pass on. Some might sting at first, but from where I stand, being forewarned is half the battle.
1) Life isn’t always fair
I know, it’s a cliché, but it’s absolutely true.
Sometimes the kindest person gets hurt. Sometimes the hardest worker gets overlooked. And sometimes, you can do everything by the book and still fail.
It’s a brutal lesson to teach, but without it, our children may grow up believing the world owes them a smooth ride.
I see this all the time in my counseling practice: teenagers facing disillusionment when they realize not everyone follows the same moral compass. Encouraging them to acknowledge unfairness—and move forward anyway—builds the resilience they’ll need time and time again.
As Daniel Goleman once noted, “True compassion means not only feeling another’s pain but also being moved to help relieve it.” So yes, the world is unfair, but we can still choose kindness and find ways to support each other through rough patches.
2) People won’t always like you
Did you catch that? Not “might not”—but “won’t.”
None of us are universally beloved, nor should we be. Teaching kids that sometimes they’ll be disliked for no reason at all can be tough. But it’s far tougher for them to grow up thinking that disapproval equals personal failure.
In a world where social media likes and follows are essentially a form of currency, it can feel devastating when they don’t measure up to someone else’s standards.
But as Brene Brown has said, “You either walk inside your story and own it, or you stand outside your story and hustle for your worthiness.”
Let’s help them choose the former. Let them know it’s okay not to be everyone’s cup of tea— as long as they’re staying true to who they are.
3) Hard work doesn’t always pay off immediately
We emphasize effort and persistence, but let’s not forget to add a dose of reality.
Hard work is crucial, but it doesn’t mean you’ll see results overnight or even within a few months. Sometimes, you’ll hustle for a long time before you witness any tangible reward.
I remember completing my first draft for my relationship-focused book. Months of late-night writing sessions and relentless editing ended in countless rejections from publishers.
At first, I felt like all that work was for nothing. But eventually, I realized each rejection was actually guiding me toward a path of self-publishing, which turned out to be the best choice I could have made.
As Steve Jobs famously said, “You can’t connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backward.” Our kids need that reminder, too: a short-term lack of payoff doesn’t mean all is lost.
4) Failure is going to happen—often
I can’t tell you how many young adults I’ve encountered who believe failure is a sign that they’re not good enough.
Let’s flip the script. Failure is an inevitable part of growth, and frankly, an excellent teacher. Remind your kids that they won’t be the best at everything they try. Actually, they might be downright terrible at some things. And that’s fine.
Here at Blog Herald, we often talk about the importance of resilience, and it comes from recognizing that every misstep is an opportunity to learn.
According to a study, individuals who view failure as a learning experience are more likely to bounce back and succeed in the long run. So, yes, let them fall—just encourage them to get up stronger.
5) Success isn’t just about money or status
Have you noticed how many teenagers equate happiness with a high-paying job or a fancy car?
While there’s nothing inherently wrong with financial goals, it’s important to remind them that true success is a multi-layered concept. Emotional well-being, satisfying relationships, mental health, and personal fulfillment all play vital roles.
As Michelle Obama once stated, “Success isn’t about how much money you make; it’s about the difference you make in people’s lives.” I fully agree.
Whether you give back through volunteering, lend a hand to a friend in need, or simply show kindness every day, you’re shaping a version of success that brings genuine joy. That’s a message our kids deserve to hear early on.
6) Rejection is normal
I wish more young people understood that rejection is not a judgment of their worth. It’s just a natural part of life.
College admissions might not always swing their way. That dream job might not be handed to them on a silver platter. Relationships they put their heart into could crumble. Each one stings, but it doesn’t have to define them.
You might have read my post on boundary-setting, where I talked about recognizing your intrinsic value. It applies perfectly here: being rejected in one area doesn’t mean you have no value overall.
In fact, some of my greatest breakthroughs came after being shown the door. So let’s prep our kids for the reality that “no” is part of the journey— not the end of it.
7) You must take ownership of your actions
I don’t know about you, but I grew up hearing the line, “You made your bed, now lie in it.”
While it sounds blunt, the sentiment holds true: we have to own what we do, good or bad. Teaching accountability helps our children see they have the power to shape their own destiny.
One approach I’ve found effective is letting them experience natural consequences when it’s safe to do so.
Miss an assignment because you spent too long on social media? That’s a lesson in prioritization. Talk back to a teacher and face detention? A lesson in respectful communication.
As Tony Robbins once said, “It is in your moments of decision that your destiny is shaped.” Encourage them to reflect on the decisions they’ve made and how it impacts their immediate future— and that real change starts when they accept their part in it.
8) Emotional intelligence matters more than you think
We spend so much time drilling academic performance or extracurricular success, but emotional intelligence often gets sidelined.
Teaching kids to recognize, process, and express their emotions in a healthy way is crucial. Not only will it serve them in relationships, but it can also enhance their leadership skills, problem-solving abilities, and overall mental well-being.
As noted by psychologist Daniel Goleman, “If your emotional abilities aren’t in hand, if you don’t have self-awareness, if you are not able to manage your distressing emotions…you are not going to get very far.”
That’s advice I’ve seen proven time and again in both personal and professional contexts. Make sure your child knows that it’s okay— no, necessary— to articulate feelings rather than shove them down or let them explode without warning.
9) Nobody can make you happy but you
I’ve had many clients who place the burden of their happiness on friends, family, or romantic partners.
The truth? Happiness is an inside job. You can’t expect someone else to fill up the gaps in your self-esteem or sense of purpose. That’s a huge responsibility to unload onto another person— and it’s unrealistic.
In my book on codependency, I address how dangerous it can be to rely on others for validation. When your child understands that they are responsible for their own joy, they navigate relationships more confidently. They stop seeing other people as their only source of love and approval.
As Maya Angelou once wrote, “Nothing will work unless you do.” That includes the work of loving and accepting yourself.
10) You have to keep growing, no matter what
Looking back, this one probably deserved a higher spot on the list.
Anyway… if there’s one thing I hope to instill in my kids, it’s that growth doesn’t stop at 18 or 22 or 30 or even 50. Life is about constantly evolving— learning from experiences, adapting to new circumstances, and refining who we are.
A lot of young adults think that once they land that first job or get that degree, they’ve arrived. But growth is a continuous process.
Whether it’s traveling to new places, reading books that challenge their worldview, or simply staying curious about others, the path to personal development never hits a dead end. As Simon Sinek has pointed out, “The only competitor you have to beat is yourself.” And that competition never ends.
Final thoughts
It’s not always easy to pass on such blunt life lessons—especially when you’re trying to protect your child’s innocence. But I’ve found that an honest talk today can spare them a lot of confusion and hurt tomorrow.
Life will throw curveballs, and reality might not always live up to the fairytale we want for them. But armed with these truths, they have a better chance of not just surviving, but thriving.
So next time you sit down for a heart-to-heart with your child, consider sprinkling in one or two of these points. Maybe you’ll see a flicker of surprise, or even a spark of disagreement.
But I truly believe that laying this foundation is an act of love—one that says, “I trust you to take on life’s challenges, and I’m here for you every step of the way.” And what better lesson is there than that?
