There’s a fine line between love and manipulation, and often, it’s a line that’s blurred.
We’re all a little guilty of pulling the strings in our relationships sometimes, but when does it cross over into manipulation? And how can you tell if you’re being loved or just being used?
Let’s get real here. Love should empower you, not control you. But sometimes, people use ‘love’ to manipulate others, cloaking their true intentions in sweet words and empty promises.
In this article, we’re about to dive into the world of psychology to unravel this twisted web. We’re going to take a closer look at seven signs that may indicate someone isn’t truly loving you – they’re just manipulating you.
So buckle up, folks. It’s time to put your relationships under the microscope. Because knowledge is power, and with this insight, you’ll be able to protect yourself from manipulative individuals and build healthier, happier relationships.
1) They’re always playing the victim
Let’s face it, life throws curveballs at us all. But there’s a difference between sharing your woes and constantly playing the victim card.
One of the key signs of a manipulator is their ability to make themselves appear as victims. It’s a tactic used to gain sympathy, control, and ultimately, power over you.
To clarify, we’re not talking about someone who’s genuinely going through a tough time. We’re talking about those individuals who seem to have an endless stream of problems, most of which they blame on others.
In a relationship, they might use this tactic to make you feel guilty for things you shouldn’t be guilty for. You find yourself constantly trying to fix their problems or appease them, often at your own expense.
The bottom line? Love involves empathy and support, but it doesn’t mean you have to carry someone else’s burdens all the time, especially when they aren’t taking responsibility for their actions.
If you’re constantly feeling guilty or responsible for your partner’s happiness, it may be a sign that they’re manipulating you, not loving you.
2) They’re overly generous with compliments
You might think that a shower of compliments is a sign of love and admiration. However, excessive complimenting can also be a sign of manipulation.
Psychology reveals that manipulators often use flattery to win over their victims. It’s called ‘love bombing‘, and it’s not about genuine admiration, but rather about gaining your trust and affection to control you.
When the compliments are constant and over-the-top, it can cloud your judgment and make you more susceptible to manipulation. You find yourself feeling good around them, craving their praises, and gradually becoming dependent on them for validation.
Don’t get me wrong. Compliments in a relationship are great. But when it’s all sunshine and roses without any constructive criticism or genuine communication, it might be time to question their authenticity.
Remember, true love isn’t about constant flattery. It’s about respect, honesty, and genuine appreciation. If the compliments feel insincere or manipulative, trust your instincts.
It might be a sign that they’re not truly loving you but using flattery as a tool for manipulation.
3) They undermine your self-esteem
In my years of relationship counseling, I’ve seen this pattern too often. Someone who claims to love you, but subtly undermines your self-esteem.
They make snide comments about your appearance, your abilities, or your achievements, often disguised as jokes or ‘constructive criticism.’
Psychology tells us this is a classic manipulation tactic.
By making you doubt yourself, they gain control. You find yourself constantly seeking their approval and validation. It’s a vicious cycle that can leave you feeling inadequate and dependent on them.
In my book, Breaking The Attachment: How To Overcome Codependency in Your Relationship, I discuss how such dynamics can lead to codependency and how to break free from it.
Love isn’t about making you feel lesser. It’s about uplifting each other, respecting each other’s individuality, and celebrating each other’s successes. If your partner frequently undermines your self-esteem, it might be time to reevaluate the relationship.
4) They use guilt to control you
Guilt is a powerful emotion, and manipulators know just how to play this card.
They make you feel guilty for your actions, your thoughts, even your success. They might make you feel selfish for wanting to spend time with friends or for pursuing your own interests.
It reminds me of a quote by Eleanor Roosevelt, “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” It’s a reminder that we have control over how we let others affect us.
In my experience, guilt-tripping is not a part of a healthy, loving relationship. Yes, we all make mistakes and it’s important to take responsibility for them. But constant guilt-tripping is a manipulation tactic designed to keep you under their control.
If you notice that guilt is a common theme in your interactions with your partner, it’s time to take a step back and assess the situation. Healthy love is about understanding and forgiveness, not constant guilt and control.
5) They’re dismissive of your feelings
We’ve all had those moments when we’re upset or frustrated and need someone to lean on. In a loving relationship, your partner should be that person. But what happens when instead of listening to you, they dismiss your feelings?
I’ve seen this in many relationships where one partner is manipulative. They might tell you that you’re overreacting, being too sensitive, or even outright deny your feelings. This dismissal is a way to make you feel like your emotions aren’t valid.
In my journey as a relationship expert, I’ve learned that this kind of emotional invalidation is a red flag. It’s a subtle form of manipulation because it can make you start doubting your own emotions and perceptions.
A loving partner may not always understand your feelings, but they should respect them. They should listen, empathize, and provide comfort.
If instead, they’re dismissing your feelings, it might be a sign that they’re not truly loving you but manipulating you.
6) They’re hot and cold with their affection
One minute they’re showering you with love and affection, and the next, they’re cold and distant. This unpredictable behavior can leave you feeling confused, anxious, and always on edge. It’s like you’re constantly walking on eggshells.
As a relationship expert, I’ve seen how this can be a sign of manipulation. The hot and cold behavior is a way to keep you guessing and dependent on their validation. It’s a power game, and it’s not about love.
Poet Maya Angelou once said, “When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.” If your partner’s affection comes with strings attached or is unpredictable, it may not be genuine love but manipulation.
To stay updated on more insights like these, I invite you to follow my Facebook page here. You’ll get my latest articles right in your feed. Remember, knowledge is power in relationships.
7) They isolate you from your loved ones
This is a tough one to talk about, but it’s crucial to address. One of the most sinister tactics manipulators use is isolation. They slowly and subtly cut you off from your family and friends, making you feel like they’re the only person you have left.
It might start with them making snide remarks about your friends or creating conflicts that make you choose between them and your loved ones. Over time, this can leave you feeling lonely and dependent on them for companionship.
Raw honesty time here – this isn’t love; it’s control. Love encourages connection and values your relationships with others. It doesn’t isolate or monopolize your time and attention.
If you’re feeling distanced from your loved ones because of your partner, it might be a sign of manipulation. Remember, it’s essential to maintain healthy relationships outside of your romantic partnership.
Don’t let anyone take that away from you.
Final thoughts
Recognizing manipulation in a relationship can be challenging, especially when it’s cloaked in the guise of love. But remember, genuine love uplifts, supports, and respects you.
It doesn’t control or undermine your self-esteem. You deserve a love that makes you feel valued and cherished for who you are.
To delve deeper into the intricacies of building healthy relationships and understanding complex emotions, I suggest you watch this insightful video by Justin Brown:
In this video, Justin eloquently explains why we need to relinquish the idea of a “perfect” partner and recognize that true relationships are about commitment, facing challenges together, and growth.
Knowledge is power. By understanding the signs of manipulation and your worth, you can protect yourself from toxic relationships and cultivate healthier ones.
Keep learning, keep growing, and always choose self-love. You deserve nothing less.
