As parents, we all want to stay close to our kids as they grow up. But let’s be honest—building that connection isn’t always easy, especially as they start to pull away and carve out their independence.
Here’s the thing: sometimes, without even realizing it, we fall into habits that actually push them further from us.
It might not feel like a big deal in the moment, but over time, these little behaviors can chip away at trust and connection. The good news? Once you spot them, you can make small changes that bring you closer instead of creating distance.
If you want a stronger bond with your child as they get older, it’s time to say goodbye to these habits—and hello to a healthier, more meaningful relationship.
1) Stop interrupting their thoughts
It’s tempting, isn’t it? Your child starts telling you something, and right away, you’re jumping in with advice, a correction, or your own story. You mean well—you’re trying to help or relate—but to them, it can feel like you’re not really listening.
When kids feel interrupted, they start holding back. They might think, “Why bother sharing if I won’t get to finish my thoughts?” Over time, this habit can create distance in your relationship without you even realizing it.
Instead, try slowing down. Let them talk without cutting in, even if there’s a long pause or you don’t agree with what they’re saying. This simple change can make them feel heard and respected—two things that are key for a strong bond as they grow older.
2) Stop dismissing their feelings
I’ll never forget the time my daughter came home from school upset because her best friend didn’t sit with her at lunch. My first reaction? I told her it wasn’t a big deal and that she’d feel better tomorrow.
I thought I was helping her move on, but instead, she got even more upset. She stormed off to her room, and I was left wondering what went wrong.
Later, I realized that by brushing off her feelings, I’d made her feel like they didn’t matter. To me, it might not have seemed like a huge issue, but to her, it was everything in that moment. She wasn’t looking for a solution—she just wanted me to listen and acknowledge what she was going through.
Now, when she’s upset, I remind myself to pause and validate her emotions instead of dismissing them. I’ll say things like, “That sounds really hard” or “I can see why you’d feel that way.” It’s a small shift, but it’s made a world of difference in how open she is with me.
It’s taught me that when you take their feelings seriously, you show them they can trust you with their heart.
3) Stop trying to control everything
Did you know that the more autonomy kids are given, the better they tend to develop problem-solving and decision-making skills?
When parents micromanage every detail of their child’s life, it can unintentionally send the message that they’re not capable of handling things on their own. Over time, this can lead to frustration, resentment, or even a lack of confidence.
It’s natural to want to protect your child from mistakes or guide them toward the “right” choices, but sometimes, stepping back is the best thing you can do.
Let them decide what to wear, how to spend their free time, or how to handle certain challenges. Sure, they might stumble or make decisions you wouldn’t have made—but that’s part of growing up.
By loosening your grip and giving them room to think for themselves, you’re showing them that you trust their judgment. And trust is one of the strongest foundations for a lasting bond.
4) Stop expecting perfection
It’s easy to fall into the trap of wanting your child to always do their best—whether it’s in school, sports, or how they behave at home. But when “doing their best” starts to feel like “you need to be perfect,” it can create pressure that harms your relationship.
Kids who feel they can’t meet their parents’ high expectations often begin to fear failure or avoid sharing mistakes altogether.
Instead of focusing on perfect outcomes, try celebrating effort and progress. If they bring home a test with a lower grade than expected, acknowledge the work they put into studying rather than just pointing out what went wrong.
When they mess up, use it as an opportunity to guide them rather than criticize them.
By letting go of perfection, you create an environment where your child feels safe to be themselves—flaws and all. And that sense of safety is what keeps them coming back to you, even as they get older.
5) Stop bringing up old mistakes
There was a time when my child forgot an important school project at home. It was a hectic morning, and I had to drop everything to bring it to them.
I was frustrated, and in the heat of the moment, I made sure they knew it. But worse than that—I kept bringing it up. Weeks later, when they forgot something small, I’d say, “Remember that time you left your project at home?”
What I didn’t realize was how much this was chipping away at their confidence. Every time I brought up their old mistake, I was reminding them of their failure instead of letting them move forward.
Eventually, I noticed they started to shut down and avoid telling me things because they didn’t want to be reminded of what they’d done wrong in the past.
It’s not always easy to let go of those moments, especially when you’re trying to teach them responsibility. But I’ve learned that if you want your child to grow and trust you, you have to focus on today—not yesterday.
Letting go of their past mishaps shows them that you believe in their ability to do better moving forward—and that’s what strengthens your bond.
6) Stop comparing them to others
Whether it’s a sibling, a classmate, or the kid down the street, comparing your child to someone else can feel harmless in the moment—but it rarely ever is.
Comments like “Why can’t you be more like your brother?” or “Your friend seems so much more focused” might seem like motivation, but to your child, they can feel like a rejection of who they are.
Comparisons can lead to feelings of inadequacy or resentment, and over time, they might start believing they’ll never measure up in your eyes. Even if your intentions are good, this habit can create distance and make them less likely to share their struggles or celebrate their wins with you.
Instead of focusing on what someone else is doing, focus on your child’s unique strengths and progress. Celebrate what makes them different. When they feel accepted for who they are, flaws and all, it creates a safe space for connection—and that’s what strengthens the bond between you as they grow older.
7) Stop making everything about you
It’s easy to fall into the habit of responding to your child’s experiences by sharing your own. They tell you about a problem with a friend, and you jump in with a story about something similar that happened to you.
They share their excitement about a new hobby, and you start talking about what you used to enjoy at their age.
While it might seem like a way to relate, constantly shifting the focus back to yourself can make them feel unseen. Over time, they might stop sharing altogether because it feels like their experiences are always overshadowed.
Sometimes, the best thing you can do is just listen—without offering advice, comparisons, or stories of your own. Let their world take center stage. When they feel like their thoughts and feelings are truly valued, it deepens the trust and connection between you in ways that words can’t describe.
Bottom line: Connection thrives on trust
At the heart of every strong parent-child bond is trust. It’s what makes your child feel safe to share their world with you—their fears, their triumphs, their dreams. But trust isn’t built through grand gestures; it’s created in the small, everyday moments.
It’s in how you listen without judgment, how you let them grow without controlling every step, and how you show them they are loved for who they are, not who you think they should be.
As your child grows older, the way you interact with them shapes the foundation of your relationship. By letting go of habits that create distance and embracing ones that foster connection, you’re showing them that your love is constant—even as they change and navigate the complexities of life.
In the end, it’s not about being a perfect parent. It’s about being present, being patient, and being the person they know they can turn to—no matter what.
