There’s a subtle art to keeping the spotlight firmly on yourself. It’s not necessarily about being a show-off or manipulator, but rather about steering the conversation in your direction.
Self-centered people have mastered this art, often without even realizing it. Their language is laced with phrases that keep the focus trained on them and their experiences.
As a self-professed psychology enthusiast, I’ve picked up on these linguistic cues. And in this piece, I’m going to reveal 10 of the most common phrases self-centered people use to subtly keep the conversation all about them.
Hang on tight, you might recognize some of these from your daily interactions – or maybe even from your own speech patterns!
1) I, me, my…
In the realm of psychology, words are more than just tools for communication; they’re windows into our subconscious.
One of the most telling signs of a self-centered person is an excessive use of first-person pronouns – I, me, and my. This linguistic pattern isn’t a coincidence, but rather a subconscious method to steer the conversation back to themselves.
Consider this. When talking about experiences, do they tend to share stories where they are the focal point? Do their sentences often start with ‘I’ or ‘my’? This might be a clear indication that they’re keeping the focus on themselves.
Of course, we all use these pronouns, but it’s the frequency that matters. Self-centered people overly use them as a linguistic tool to maintain the spotlight.
So, next time you’re in a conversation, pay close attention to the pronouns. You might be surprised by what you discover. Remember though, this is just one sign – don’t jump to conclusions based on this alone.
2) Did I ever tell you about the time…?
Personal stories are a great way to connect with others, but when used excessively, they can be a sign of self-centeredness.
I remember a friend of mine, let’s call her Sarah. Every time we met, she would inevitably steer the conversation towards her own experiences. It was always, “Did I ever tell you about the time I went skydiving?” or “Did I ever tell you about my encounter with a celebrity?”
At first, it was entertaining, even engaging. But over time, it became apparent that these stories served a purpose – to keep the spotlight on her. Our conversations were rarely mutual exchanges, but more of monologues about her adventures.
If the phrase “Did I ever tell you about the time…” is a recurring theme in someone’s conversation, it might be an indication that they’re trying to keep the focus on themselves. It’s a subtle way of saying, “Listen to me, my experiences are important”.
Again though, context is key. A one-off story doesn’t make someone self-centered. But if it’s a consistent pattern, it might be worth taking note.
3) Enough about you, let’s talk about me…
Steering the conversation back to oneself is a common tactic employed by self-centered individuals. They might listen to your story, but only for a moment before they interject with a tale of their own.
“Enough about you, let’s talk about me…” might not be explicitly stated, but it’s often implied. It’s a way of redirecting the focus back onto themselves.
Interestingly, research has found that talking about oneself activates the same pleasure sensation in the brain as food or money. So for self-centered individuals, bringing the conversation back to themselves is not just a matter of pride or vanity – it can also be an unconscious quest for pleasure.
Just note that there’s a difference between sharing experiences to connect and turning every conversation into a self-promoting monologue. The former is part of healthy communication, while the latter can be a sign of self-centeredness.
4) But enough about that…
This phrase can be a red flag when it comes to identifying self-centered behavior. It’s often used as a transition tool to shift the conversation back to themselves when they feel the topic is straying too far from their interests.
For instance, imagine you’re talking about your recent vacation, and just as you’re getting to the good part, they cut in with, “But enough about that, did I tell you what happened to me last week?” It’s a clear signal of their desire to regain control of the conversation and refocus the attention back onto themselves.
The key here is frequency. We all occasionally steer conversations towards topics we’re interested in. But if someone consistently uses this phrase to redirect discussions back to their own experiences or interests, it might signify a self-centered mindset.
5) I can relate to that, when I…
On the surface, this may seem like an empathetic statement. However, when used excessively, it’s another clever tactic self-centered individuals employ to shift the conversation back to them.
The phrase “I can relate to that, when I…” is often followed by a personal anecdote or experience. The person might seem to be connecting with your story, but in reality, they are using your experience as a springboard to jump back to their own narrative.
While empathy involves understanding and sharing the feelings of others, self-centered individuals often use this phrase not to empathize, but rather to take over the conversation. Genuine empathy doesn’t require shifting focus to one’s own experiences, but instead involves truly listening and responding to the other person’s feelings and needs.
6) I’ve been through worse…
At its core, communication is about sharing and understanding. Sometimes, we share our struggles in search of comfort or advice. But when someone responds with “I’ve been through worse…”, it can feel dismissive and self-focused.
This phrase is a subtle way of turning the tables and making the situation about them instead of you. It may seem as if they’re trying to empathize, but in reality, they’re overshadowing your struggle with their own.
Imagine opening up about a hard day at work to hear, “I’ve been through worse when I…” It belittles your experience and shifts the attention back to them.
A compassionate response involves acknowledging someone’s feelings without trying to one-up them. Each person’s struggle is unique and deserves understanding, not comparison.
7) No one understands…
This phrase can be a sign of self-centeredness, especially when it’s used frequently. By stating “No one understands…”, a person is essentially setting themselves apart from others, making their experiences seem more significant or unique.
I recall a time in high school when a classmate would often use this phrase. Whenever he faced a challenge – be it a difficult test, a fallout with a friend, or even just a particularly grueling football practice – his go-to line was always “No one understands how hard this is for me.”
While it’s true that we all face unique struggles and hardships, consistently using this phrase can be an attempt to monopolize empathy and keep the attention centered on oneself. It’s important to remember that we all face challenges and understanding is not an exclusive right.
8) It’s not a big deal…
This statement might seem rather benign and even humble at first glance. However, when “It’s not a big deal…” is used frequently and strategically, it can be another tool in the self-centered individual’s arsenal.
Instead of overtly drawing attention to themselves, they downplay their accomplishments or experiences. This can trigger curiosity and prompt others to ask more questions, thus keeping the focus on them.
For instance, if someone casually mentions they finished a marathon over the weekend but quickly adds, “It’s not a big deal…”, it can pique your interest and lead you to probe further. While it might seem like modesty, it’s often a clever strategy to keep the conversation centered on them. As always, consistency is key in identifying this tactic.
9) You wouldn’t understand…
This phrase is a classic tool used by self-centered people to keep conversations focused on them. By stating “You wouldn’t understand…”, they are not only making their experiences seem unique but also creating an air of mystery around their lives.
The implication is that their experiences are somehow more complex or significant than others’, which can prompt curiosity and further questions. Despite seeming dismissive, it’s a phrase designed to provoke interest and keep the conversation orbiting around them.
However, it’s crucial to remember that everyone’s experiences are valid, and understanding isn’t exclusive. It’s perfectly okay to acknowledge that you may not fully comprehend someone’s experience while still showing empathy for their feelings.
10) But what about me…?
This is perhaps the most direct phrase self-centered individuals use to swing the spotlight back onto themselves. When someone says “But what about me…?”, they are essentially asking for attention and diverting the focus back to their feelings, experiences, or opinions.
Whether it’s in response to someone else’s good news, a group decision, or just a general conversation, this phrase is a clear bid for attention. It’s a way for them to remind others that they have needs and desires too, often at the expense of overshadowing others.
The key to healthy communication lies in balance. While it’s natural for everyone to want recognition and understanding, consistently shifting the focus back to oneself can be draining for others and hinder meaningful connections.
Final thoughts: A matter of perspective
When delving into the realm of human behavior, it’s crucial to remember that we are as complex and diverse as the world we inhabit. What may seem like self-centeredness might often be a plea for validation or connection.
The phrases we’ve discussed are not definitive proof of a self-centered personality, but rather potential indicators. Psychology is not a one-size-fits-all field; it requires context, understanding, and constant learning.
As Carl Jung, the Swiss psychiatrist and psychoanalyst who founded analytical psychology, once said, “Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves.”
Perhaps observing these phrases in others—and maybe even catching ourselves using them—can offer valuable insights into our interactions and relationships. It’s not about labeling or judging, but about growing our understanding of the intricate dance that is human communication.
As we navigate our conversations and connections, let’s strive for empathy and balance. After all, the beauty of conversation lies in its give-and-take nature, where every voice has the chance to be heard.
