Plenty of us have run into someone who seems adept at bending emotions or steering outcomes without being obvious.
They might be a boss, a friend, or a romantic partner who always finds a way to stay on top—no matter the situation.
It’s not accidental.
People who play mind games know how to leverage certain psychological tactics to maintain control.
In my practice, I’ve seen how these methods can manipulate feelings, create confusion, and keep the “game” going for those who love that sense of power.
Below are 10 tricks they frequently employ.
Recognizing them can help you protect your emotional well-being and stay one step ahead.
1) They keep you guessing with intermittent reinforcement
One day, they shower you with praise and attention — the next, they’re distant or disapproving.
This hot-and-cold cycle isn’t random—it’s a deliberate tactic.
In psychology, intermittent reinforcement (originally studied by B.F. Skinner) highlights how unpredictable rewards create stronger attachments than consistent ones.
People who play mind games might respond warmly to a text on Monday, then ignore your next few messages.
You end up chasing that initial high, hoping to return to the good graces you briefly enjoyed.
The unpredictability keeps you invested, just like a gambler feeding coins into a slot machine. Once you grasp this pattern, you’ll see that the “reward” is calculated, aimed at maintaining your interest or compliance.
2) They use guilt trips to control your actions
A classic approach is making you feel responsible for their unhappiness or frustration.
They’ll say things like, “After everything I’ve done for you, you can’t do this small favor?” or “It’s your fault I’m upset—I was fine until you brought that up.”
Their words suggest you’ve let them down, even if they’re the ones demanding too much.
Daniel Goleman, known for his work on emotional intelligence, reminds us that healthy relationships don’t rely on emotional blackmail.
Guilt trips undermine a fair give-and-take dynamic by weaponizing your empathy against you.
When you catch yourself feeling disproportionately guilty or obligated, step back.
Ask: Am I truly at fault, or am I being maneuvered into compliance?
3) They cultivate fear of missing out or losing them
Manipulators often hint at how “others would appreciate me more” or “maybe I should explore other options if you won’t do X.”
They instill the idea that if you don’t play along, you’ll lose the relationship or opportunity.
FOMO can be a potent tool — most of us dread abandonment or irrelevance.
This trick is about maintaining leverage. The more anxiety they can spark about you missing out — on a project, a friendship, or a romance—the easier it becomes to get you to conform.
When you feel that fear creeping in, notice the difference between genuine compromise and being coerced.
A healthy dynamic doesn’t push you to constantly prove your worth or loyalty.
4) They gaslight your recollection of events
Gaslighting is a big one.
They’ll say, “That never happened,” or “You’re imagining things,” or twist a conversation so thoroughly you question your memory.
Over time, you may start doubting your perception of reality, handing them even more control.
Though the term “gaslighting” gets tossed around frequently, in its core form it’s about making you unsure of your own experiences.
If you recall an argument one way and they confidently claim something else took place, you begin to rely on them to clarify “the truth.”
This dependence is exactly what a mind-game strategist wants. Keep notes if necessary, or talk with a trusted friend who can verify events and help anchor you in reality.
5) They “play the victim” to avoid accountability
If called out on harmful actions, some manipulative folks switch into wounded mode. Suddenly, you’re on the defensive for “hurting their feelings” by mentioning their missteps.
This reversal can make you forget your valid concerns in an effort to console them.
Brené Brown often speaks about vulnerability in a healthy context, but playing the victim is a distorted version — an attempt to deflect responsibility.
If you see this pattern, stay clear-headed about the original issue. You can acknowledge their feelings while still asserting that their behavior was problematic.
Don’t let their tears or dramatics distract you from the facts.
6) They mirror you to build false intimacy
Mirroring is when someone adopts your interests, speech patterns, or body language to forge a sense of connection.
If you mention you love a certain band, they say they’ve always been a huge fan. You talk about a dream trip to Japan, and suddenly they’re planning the same itinerary.
This copycat approach can quickly make you feel, “Wow, we’re so alike!”
Mirroring can be innocent, but skilled mind-game players do it to accelerate rapport and gain your trust. Once you feel that bond, they can manipulate your decisions more smoothly.
Maintain a dash of skepticism if you notice someone aligning themselves with your every preference — people’s tastes are rarely that identical by pure coincidence.
7) They use subtle sabotage of your confidence
With manipulative tactics, it’s not always an overt put-down.
Instead, they might throw in backhanded compliments like, “I’m impressed you managed that—most people would need more training.”
Or they question small details of your competence, so you second-guess yourself.
This drip-drip of doubt can wear away your self-esteem.
When you feel less certain of your abilities or worth, you’re more reliant on them for affirmation or guidance. This is how a mind gamer keeps an upper hand.
They thrive on you needing them—so they sow just enough insecurity to keep you from fully trusting yourself.
8) They employ love-bombing followed by withdrawal
Love-bombing is often mentioned in the context of toxic relationships.
The manipulator showers you with attention, flattery, gifts, or constant messages.
You feel seen and cherished.
Then, just as you get comfortable, they vanish or become noticeably colder. This jarring shift can stir up anxiety and make you chase them to regain that initial warmth.
It’s a cycle of euphoria and uncertainty designed to condition you for their approval.
You might wonder, “What did I do wrong? How do I get them back to being sweet?”
The focus shifts to pleasing them so you can experience that love-bomb high again. Recognizing this pattern is crucial—healthy affection doesn’t come and go like a faucet.
9) They use triangulation to spark competition
In triangulation, a manipulator pulls a third person into the mix — talking about how much that individual praises them or how “interested” they are, implying you should feel jealous.
Alternatively, they might pit two friends or colleagues against each other, stirring rivalry to keep attention centered on them.
This technique ensures everyone remains off balance, vying for the manipulator’s favor.
If you sense you’re constantly being compared to someone else—“Look at what she can do, I wish you’d do that too”—it’s likely a ploy to keep you insecure or eager to prove yourself.
Don’t get sucked into that rivalry trap. Step out of the game by refusing to compete for someone’s validation.
10) They feign cluelessness or helplessness when it suits them
Ever notice how a savvy manipulator might suddenly “forget” a plan you agreed on or claim they’re too overwhelmed to handle tasks they easily managed before?
This feigned helplessness or cluelessness can be a way to shift responsibility onto you.
It also absolves them from blame, because they act as if they simply didn’t understand or “can’t cope.”
The pattern can leave you picking up the slack, apologizing for pushing them, or re-explaining everything multiple times.
Meanwhile, they remain in control by dictating how tasks get done — or not done.
If someone is inconsistently helpless (fine one minute, incapable the next), consider that they may be using confusion as a strategy to avoid accountability or to keep you dancing around their needs.
The bottom line
Mind games run on subtlety.
Each individual tactic might seem harmless in isolation, but collectively, they create a web of manipulation.
By understanding these ten strategies, you empower yourself to spot emotional power plays before you become entangled.
Though it may feel awkward to stand your ground, real relationships don’t hinge on cunning or confusion. A bond rooted in clarity and mutual respect might be less dramatic, but it’s far more sustainable for your emotional health.
If someone consistently uses these tricks, consider limiting their influence or seeking professional guidance to navigate a safe exit.
Real connection thrives on honesty and equality — not a scoreboard of who can outmaneuver whom.
