I’ve had countless clients walk into my office saying they feel drained from constantly worrying about what others think.
It’s like a quiet script running in the background: “Will they like me if I say this?” “Is my outfit cool enough?” We all want to be liked.
That’s part of being human.
But when the need for approval goes into overdrive, it can backfire — causing the exact social and emotional distance you’re trying to avoid.
In my own experience, I used to fret about making sure everyone was comfortable and happy with me, until I realized my over-efforting only created awkwardness.
The more I tried to please, the more it felt like people sensed the inauthentic vibe and pulled away. It was a lightbulb moment, and I’ve seen that same moment happen with many of my therapy clients.
So, how do you know if you’re pushing people away by trying too hard to be liked?
Below are 8 subtle signs to watch out for, backed by psychology and peppered with insights from my own counseling practice.
1) You agree with everyone—even when you disagree
Have you found yourself nodding along to an opinion you secretly can’t stand?
This is a classic sign of people-pleasing.
Rather than risk the discomfort of expressing a contradictory point of view, you choose harmony at all costs.
It might keep the peace in the short term, but it silently erodes your authenticity. And people pick up on that.
As Susan Cain, author of Quiet, has noted, authenticity fosters genuine connections, while forced agreement can leave people feeling uneasy—even if they can’t pinpoint why.
If you notice yourself constantly muting your real opinions, take a small step by sharing a minor disagreement: “I see where you’re coming from, but I have a different take.”
That’s how true respect and camaraderie are born—through honest dialogue, not a sea of polite nods.
2) You overshare personal details too soon
We all want to form deep connections, and a bit of vulnerability can create strong bonds.
But there’s a boundary between healthy openness and giving away TMI in the first five minutes of conversation.
When you overshare, you might think you’re showing trust and inviting closeness.
However, it can overwhelm others who aren’t ready for that level of depth.
“I just met you—why do I know every detail of your relationship drama?” is a thought they might have (but not say).
Brené Brown famously distinguishes between vulnerable sharing and “floodlighting” (where you shine an intense spotlight of personal information on someone).
According to her, vulnerability needs to be earned and reciprocal.
If your new friend or coworker barely knows your favorite color, they might not be prepared for your entire life story just yet.
3) You fish for compliments
Have you ever found yourself saying something like, “Ugh, I’m so bad at this,” hoping someone will reassure you “No, you’re great!”?
While it’s natural to seek encouragement, constantly fishing for compliments can be a sign of low self-esteem.
Studies show that people who repeatedly seek validation often come across as less confident, which ironically turns others off.
The research suggests that the more we chase external praise, the more it weakens genuine self-image.
If you recognize that habit, you might try a different approach.
Ask for constructive feedback instead of outright praise.
For example, “What do you think of the way I structured this report? Any suggestions?” That way, you’re inviting real engagement, not superficial compliments.
4) You take on too many favors (and feel resentful later)
Someone needs a hand moving to a new apartment?
You’re there.
A coworker wants you to proofread a document at 9 p.m?
Sure, why not.
On the surface, it feels good to be helpful—everyone thinks you’re the nicest person.
But if you say “yes” out of fear that “no” will make you unlikable, you’re probably stretching yourself too thin. This is how bitterness creeps in. Before you know it, you’re irritated with the very people you’re trying to please.
Daniel Goleman, the psychologist who popularized emotional intelligence, points out that recognizing our own limits is key to emotional well-being.
If your goodwill becomes a tool to win approval, you’ll eventually burn out. Try practicing small “no’s,” especially when your schedule or mental energy can’t handle more.
5) You constantly apologize—often when you’re not at fault
Frequent apologies can be a sign of empathy and politeness, but when you’re saying “I’m sorry” for bumping into a chair or for someone else’s mistake, it might be a habit of self-minimizing.
Essentially, you’re telling the world, “Don’t be mad at me, please like me.”
Ironically, incessant apologizing can irritate people. It shifts conversations away from the real topic to your own feelings of unworthiness.
Dr. Harriet Lerner, a psychologist famous for her work on shame and vulnerability, says that over-apologizing can diminish our self-respect and lead to murky relationship dynamics.
The next time you catch yourself about to say sorry for something trivial, pause.
Ask if you’re truly responsible. If you’re not, consider a more neutral statement like, “That’s unfortunate,” or “Oops! Let’s fix that.”
6) You obsess over your image on social media
Scrolling through Instagram or Facebook, do you find yourself compulsively curating a persona that’s designed to rake in likes?
Maybe you spend ages editing selfies or tossing out witty captions you think people will love.
There’s nothing inherently wrong with caring about what you post — social media can be a creative outlet.
The issue arises when your self-worth hinges on digital feedback. If a post doesn’t get enough likes, you spiral into doubt or tweak your behavior to earn more approval next time.
I’ve seen clients in my counseling practice whose moods rise and fall with their social media analytics.
That’s a slippery slope.
Remember that real connections take time, empathy, and in-person moments. Likes and follows can’t measure genuine bonds.
7) You fear rocking the boat—even when you’re unhappy
Looking back, this one probably deserved a higher spot on the list.
Anyway…
If you tiptoe around everyone’s emotions, never voicing dissatisfaction or healthy anger, you might be operating under the belief that being too agreeable ensures you’ll be liked. But it usually backfires.
People sense when you’re holding back. Over time, your pent-up frustrations can explode in unexpected ways, leaving others startled or even hurt.
Or you might quietly fade from relationships, never giving the other person a chance to address the real issue.
In Breaking The Attachment: How To Overcome Codependency in Your Relationship, I discuss the importance of speaking your truth lovingly.
It’s scary at first, but relationships built on honesty—and occasionally tough conversations—tend to be the strongest. If someone only likes you when you’re agreeable, that’s not genuine respect.
8) You’re anxious when someone dislikes you
Finally, I’ve saved a big one for last, friends.
At some point, we all come across people who just don’t click with us.
It’s normal. B
ut if the thought of being disliked by even one person sends you into a tailspin, you might be placing too much weight on external validation.
Tony Robbins has famously said, “The only limit to your impact is your imagination and commitment.”
Part of that impact is accepting that you can’t please everyone. When you cling desperately to universal likability, you risk diluting your unique voice.
If a coworker or acquaintance isn’t fond of you, it doesn’t automatically reflect your value. Sometimes personalities clash. Sometimes people project their own issues onto you.
Letting go of the belief that everyone must love you is liberating—and ironically, can make you more likable by revealing the genuine you.
Final thoughts
Striving to be liked is an age-old endeavor.
Yet, modern psychology consistently shows that approval-seeking can morph into a trap, compelling us to live for other people’s acceptance rather than our own peace.
If some of these eight signs resonate, it doesn’t mean you’re doomed. The real problem is when we see these behaviors as unchangeable.
Awareness is the first step.
Practice setting boundaries — especially with requests you take on.
Try small, honest disagreements with trusted friends, allowing yourself to express a different view. Pause before you apologize for non-existent faults.
And if social media is your Achilles’ heel, experiment with stepping away or sharing more authentically.
