Celebrations often come with a built-in expectation: we’re supposed to gather with friends, family, or a partner to make the moment special.
Whether it’s a holiday, birthday, or the much-anticipated New Year’s Eve, the script typically calls for a party, dinner, or some collective cheer.
But not everyone follows that script. Some people genuinely prefer spending these occasions by themselves—and they’re not miserable about it at all.
I’ve spoken with clients who once felt awkward admitting they wanted a quiet evening instead of a big bash. Yet, over time, many realized they actually thrive in that solitude. Being alone on a special day doesn’t have to be sad or lonely.
In fact, it can be a deeply fulfilling experience if that’s what resonates with you.
Let’s explore 7 traits that help explain why some folks are perfectly content ringing in a holiday—or any other significant day—without a crowd.
1) They have strong internal motivations
Have you ever met someone who seems content just reading, writing, or working on a project, even on a day that others might label as “important” or “festive?”
These individuals tend to have robust internal motivations. Instead of relying on external validation—like a social media post about how they celebrated—they focus on what genuinely interests them.
This idea is backed by experts like Daniel Goleman, who emphasizes intrinsic motivation as a key component of emotional intelligence.
When you derive purpose from within—be it a creative pursuit or a personal goal—you don’t need a big event to feel accomplished.
So if that means skipping the New Year’s party for some much-needed reflection time, so be it.
The point is, they’re not ignoring the occasion out of sadness — they’re choosing an activity that aligns with their internal drive.
2) They’re comfortable setting boundaries
Some of us accept every holiday invite, even if it drains us. In contrast, those who enjoy alone time on special occasions have usually mastered the art of boundary-setting.
They’ve recognized that “No, thank you” can be a complete sentence.
This often stems from a desire to protect their emotional well-being. If a crowded gathering doesn’t feel right, they won’t force themselves into it out of obligation.
Susan Cain, author of Quiet, points out that energy management is crucial for introverts.
While not all solitary celebrators are introverts, many do share that sense of needing space to recharge.
By setting firm boundaries around who they see and when, they ensure that the holiday (or birthday, or anniversary) remains a positive experience rather than a chore.
They might decide they’ll swing by a daytime brunch but skip the nighttime festivities.
That’s boundary-setting in action, and it helps them greet the occasion with calm, rather than dread.
3) They find social validation in other ways
We often assume that big get-togethers are about connection, laughter, and the feeling of belonging.
But people who enjoy alone time on significant days don’t necessarily lack social connections; they just don’t need a group event to reaffirm their sense of self.
Perhaps they maintain deep one-on-one friendships or prefer smaller, spontaneous hangouts throughout the year.
Carl Rogers, known for person-centered therapy, emphasized the importance of genuine relationships built on empathy and authenticity.
For these individuals, “social validation” might come from a trusted friend they talk to regularly, or a family member they text every morning.
Special occasions don’t change that dynamic.
They can feel validated in a quiet phone call or even an online chat, minus the pressure to throw a huge party. In other words, they’ve decoupled external festivities from their personal sense of being connected and loved.
4) They’re at peace with introspection
If you’re comfortable being alone on a festive day, it probably means you’ve embraced introspection.
That quiet morning journaling session or late-night walk might feel more meaningful than making small talk in a busy room.
This trait is rooted in self-awareness — a hallmark of emotional intelligence that Daniel Goleman also highlights.
When you allow yourself to reflect on the past year at midnight, for instance, you can gain deeper insights into your own progress, needs, and aspirations.
You’re not looking for external applause; you’re looking for personal clarity. Some folks might question why you’d choose solitude over champagne toasts.
But you know that introspection can be just as celebratory—it’s a chance to appreciate how far you’ve come and envision where you want to go next.
5) They don’t equate “alone” with “lonely”
One big misconception is that spending a holiday alone means you’re sad or socially isolated.
For many, that’s not the case at all. There’s a difference between solitude and loneliness.
Solitude is a chosen state, often wrapped in a feeling of peace or freedom, whereas loneliness is a painful disconnection from others.
It reminds me of something Viktor Frankl once said: “Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response.”
The power to choose solitude on a holiday means you’re not at the mercy of social conventions. You’re deciding what genuinely makes you happy, and you’re comfortable with that decision.
If a dinner invitation comes along that sounds appealing, you might accept. But if you don’t find it appealing, you’re not worried about being by yourself. That’s confidence in your own company.
6) They place personal growth above social expectations
Have you ever felt obligated to attend a birthday dinner even though you were mentally drained?
People who enjoy solo celebrations are more likely to weigh social expectations against their personal well-being.
If they feel a celebration might leave them frazzled or take away from a personal growth activity, they choose what nourishes them most.
It doesn’t mean you’re antisocial. It means you’ve realized that sometimes the best way to mark a special occasion is to focus on activities that fuel your growth.
That could mean reading a stack of books, painting a new piece, writing in a journal, or even taking a solo road trip. They’re looking at the big picture: “Will this help me grow, or is it just another party?”
7) They’re selective about how and when they socialize
Finally, these individuals aren’t necessarily hermits.
They’re often just choosy about when they engage socially.
They might love hosting an intimate gathering on a random Tuesday, or scheduling a coffee date with one close friend to celebrate a milestone.
The key is, they’re in control of the setting and energy level, ensuring they don’t leave drained or overwhelmed.
Amy Morin, known for her work on mental strength, highlights that saying no to certain social obligations actually frees you up to say yes to more meaningful experiences.
By being selective, these solo celebrators make sure that when they do socialize, it’s a positive, energizing event. That could mean celebrating a birthday a week after the actual date, but in a style that truly suits them.
They might skip the big night out in favor of a quiet weekend getaway. Either way, they find ways to commemorate the occasion on terms that feel life-affirming, not stressful.
The bottom line
Choosing to spend a special occasion alone might seem odd to those who thrive on parties and group gatherings, but for many people, it’s the sweetest form of self-care.
It doesn’t indicate a lack of friends or a sense of sadness. In fact, it can show a high level of self-awareness, emotional intelligence, and a healthy respect for personal boundaries.
If this resonates with you, remember there’s no one-size-fits-all approach to celebrations. The “right” way to spend a holiday or birthday is the one that aligns with your needs and personal comfort.
Sure, society might push the idea of big dinners and bustling crowds, but you get to decide how you want to mark the day. If solitude or a small, cozy affair feels better, that’s completely valid. Embrace it.
And for those of you who prefer the crowd and chaos, there’s room in the world for both approaches. After all, what truly matters is that your special occasion uplifts your spirit and honors the person you’re becoming.
