We all know resilience as that special quality that allows us to bounce back from life’s curveballs. But how exactly do some parents instill this trait so effectively in their children?
It’s not about implementing fancy parenting hacks or pushing kids to be “tough.” Instead, it’s often the simple, day-to-day habits that create a strong foundation for resilience.
In my experience as a psychologist—and as a mom of two—I’ve noticed that resilience truly flourishes when kids observe certain behaviors firsthand.
Today, we explore five everyday habits that can help you raise incredibly resilient children.
1. They express emotions openly and constructively
Being able to talk about feelings—and model healthy expression of them—is crucial if we want kids to develop resilience.
You see, if we bottle everything up or explode when tensions run high, our children might learn to either suppress their emotions or fear them. Instead, they need to see that emotions (even the uncomfortable ones) are normal and can be handled constructively.
For example, in my home, we practice something called “name it to tame it,” a concept popularized by Dr. Daniel J. Siegel. Basically, this means helping children identify and verbalize their emotions, which reduces their intensity and makes them more manageable.
When kids can put their feelings into words—’I feel frustrated because my toy broke’ or ‘I feel nervous about my test’—their brains engage in problem-solving rather than emotional overwhelm.
Dr. Siegel has also noted: “Too often we forget that discipline really means to teach, not to punish. A disciple is a student, not a recipient of behavioural consequences.” So rather than preaching emotional health to our kids, we try to show it.
For instance, if I’m feeling stressed after a tough day at work, I’ll say something like, “I’m feeling pretty overwhelmed right now, so I’m going to take a quick break to calm down.” Kids watch this and realize it’s okay to feel big emotions—and that there are healthy ways to process them.
By normalizing emotional expression, you’re teaching children that challenging feelings aren’t threats; they’re signals. Over time, this builds a powerful inner strength and prevents negative emotions from festering into bigger issues.
2. They practice positive self-talk and encourage it in their kids
Ever caught yourself muttering something along the lines of “I can’t believe how clumsy I am” in front of your child? Our kids are always listening, and they often soak up our self-critical commentary. If we want them to be resilient, we need to show them how to speak to themselves kindly.
Author of Natural Family Living, Peggy O’Mara said, “The way we talk to our children becomes their inner voice.” I’d add that the way we talk to ourselves in front of our children also shapes their inner voice.
If you can show compassion to yourself—saying, “I made an error, but it’s an opportunity to learn,”—it becomes much easier for your child to adopt a more balanced, positive way of thinking about their own mistakes.
3. They allow space for independence and problem-solving
Resilient kids tend to thrive on a sense of competence. They believe they can handle the tasks life throws at them. That’s why parents who foster resilience often give their children age-appropriate independence, letting them solve smaller problems by themselves.
Maybe this looks like allowing your 6-year-old to figure out how to tie their shoes without rushing in to do it for them. Or letting your preteen create their own budget to save up for something special.
When we back off just enough to let kids struggle a bit—but step in if they truly need support—we show them they’re capable. This can be tricky in a world where we want to protect them from every disappointment or frustration. But in reality, navigating small hiccups now gives them the skills to handle bigger issues later.
I’ve seen the effects of this firsthand. I used to step in all too quickly whenever my daughter had trouble with her homework. Part of it was me wanting to be helpful; another part was simply impatience. But I noticed she’d start getting anxious the moment she saw a challenging math question because she’d become used to me swooping in.
Once I started giving her the space to try, fail, and try again on her own—only offering help if she specifically asked—her confidence grew. She’s still not a huge fan of division, but she believes she can handle it!
4. They uphold consistent but flexible boundaries
Boundaries might not sound very exciting, but they provide kids with stability and predictability—two essential building blocks of resilience.
Children feel safer when they know what to expect. This includes basic household rules like bedtimes and screen time limits, but it also means being flexible enough to adapt when life calls for it.
Kids also learn that boundaries aren’t something to fear or resent; they’re guidelines that protect well-being. There have been evenings when, yes, we push bedtime a little later because we’re immersed in a fantastic family game night—but that’s balanced by returning to the usual schedule the next day.
In this way, children see that guidelines exist for good reasons, while also understanding that there’s room for adaptability.
5. They nurture connection by spending quality, undistracted time
Finally, parents who raise resilient kids make time for genuine connection. And I don’t just mean being in the same room while each person stares at their phone. It’s about setting aside moments—whether it’s a family meal, a short walk, or a silly board game—where everyone is fully present.
I know we live in a busy world, and carving out this time can feel like an uphill battle. But children who grow up feeling seen and heard tend to have stronger emotional anchors.
When life gets tough, they know someone has their back, and that sense of security is invaluable. It translates into the confidence to try new things, bounce back from adversity, and lean on supportive relationships rather than isolating.
One simple practice I use is “five minutes of full attention.” It’s straightforward: No phones, no multitasking. Just five minutes where I’m 100 percent present with each of my kids.
Sometimes we do a quick drawing challenge; other times we chat about whatever is on their mind. It may seem small, but those moments remind them that they’re prioritized—and that they have someone who cares about their thoughts and feelings.
The bottom line
It’s easy to think resilience is innate—something kids are simply born with. But I’ve seen firsthand that it can be consciously nurtured.
Of course, these habits aren’t overnight fixes. Like any worthwhile endeavor, raising resilient children is a process of small, intentional steps.
And if you catch yourself drifting from these habits (we all do sometimes!), remember there’s always an opportunity to refocus.
