I’ve met countless parents who worry that their grown-up kids don’t express affection outright.
But here’s the good news: genuine love often hides in subtle gestures and everyday interactions. Here at Blog Herald, we’re all about subtle relationship signals —if we know where to look!
So, how can you spot these quieter signs that your kids still hold you close in their hearts?
Well, that’s what we cover today.
Let’s get started.
1. They make an effort to keep in touch
Ever noticed how adult life can feel like juggling flaming swords? There are careers to manage, romantic relationships to nurture, and personal goals to chase.
In the midst of all this, if your son or daughter finds time to call, text, or swing by for a visit—even if it’s just a quick chat—they might be saying “I love you” without actually saying it.
Sometimes the messages might be brief, like a text about something they saw that reminded them of you. Or maybe they send a silly meme to share a laugh. These tiny signals reveal that you’re on their mind, despite the demands of adulting.
Let me give you a quick example. One of my neighbors recently shared how her daughter always messages her first thing on Sunday mornings with a simple “Good morning, Mom, have a great day!”
That tiny routine might seem like no big deal, but it’s actually huge. It’s a form of consistent connection—one that speaks volumes about how much she values her mom’s presence.
2. They open up about their challenges and joys
Is there anything more heartwarming than when your adult child shares details of their life with you? It could be mundane updates about their day or heavier topics like relationship struggles.
This willingness to be vulnerable says a lot.
When they talk to you about their joys and challenges, they’re showing they trust you. The relationship researcher John Gottman has famously emphasized the power of “turning toward” each other in relationships.
While he often discusses couples, the principle applies to parent-child dynamics, too. When your adult child chooses to turn toward you—by confiding in you—they’re expressing love and respect in one of the purest forms.
Conversely, some parents notice their adult children seem closed off, and they interpret that as disinterest or even resentment. But, to be fair, sometimes grown children need time to sort through their feelings independently.
If they start opening up later—whether it’s a few weeks or years down the line—take that as a sure sign they’re leaning on you in a loving, trusting way.
3. They respect your boundaries (and expect you to respect theirs)
This is a big one that many overlook.
Love doesn’t blossom without respect. If your adult kids honor your personal space, your time, and your decisions—even when they disagree—that’s a huge indicator of genuine affection.
Maybe they know you need an early bedtime, so they avoid calling you late at night. Or perhaps they respect your need for personal time instead of expecting you to be on-call for babysitting 24/7. All these choices reflect a caring attitude.
On the flip side, they have boundaries, too. For instance, they might request that you not drop by unannounced or that you call before giving them advice on their parenting style or finances.
It might feel uncomfortable at first—especially if you’ve been used to a more hands-on approach—but respecting their boundaries is a two-way street. Honor theirs, and you’ll see them reciprocate. It’s a balancing act, and one that’s rooted in mutual love and respect.
4. They celebrate your passions and achievements
Do your adult children ask about your hobbies, work, or that new pottery class you signed up for? Even if they’re not personally into yoga or fishing or reading mystery novels, a genuine interest in what lights you up is a solid sign they care.
I once had a friend who felt her adult kids hardly noticed her passion for painting. She’d taken it up after retirement and saw it as a personal renaissance.
One day, she casually mentioned how proud she felt when her daughter shared a picture of her latest painting on social media with the caption, “My mom’s an incredible artist!” That small act of recognition was a major “I love you” moment.
It doesn’t have to be a public display. Sometimes it’s as simple as them saying, “How’s your pottery coming along?” or “I know your yoga practice is important to you—did you get to go this week?”
Those questions demonstrate that they value what makes you happy.
5. They show up for you when it really matters
“Showing up” can take many forms. It might mean physically being there—sitting in the front row when you receive an award at work or visiting you in the hospital if you’ve had surgery. It could also mean giving emotional support, like checking in frequently during stressful times.
As Oprah has said, “Surround yourself with only people who are going to lift you higher.” Adult children who care deeply about you will want to be part of your support system—especially when life gets tough.
Whether it’s a stressful situation at your job or a health concern, they’re there, asking questions and offering help. They’re lifting you higher by simply not letting you face challenges alone.
Sure, adult children have their own obligations, and they might not be able to rearrange everything to be physically present for every event. But the spirit of “I’m here for you” is what counts. Even a text that says, “Thinking of you today—hope all goes well,” can be a profound gesture.
6. They actively seek your guidance or opinion
Ever received a call from your adult child that starts with, “Hey, can I get your advice on something?”
That’s not just a practical request—it’s often an invisible hug. Seeking your counsel shows they still view you as a trusted mentor or role model.
You might have read my post on navigating tricky family conversations, where I mentioned how actively listening is crucial for strong relationships. Well, when your adult children come to you with a problem, they’re indirectly saying, “I value your judgment.” That’s a form of love wrapped in a question.
Renowned psychologist Carl Rogers once said, “The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.” In a similar vein, when adult children accept that you have wisdom to offer—while still maintaining their independence—there’s often a deep undercurrent of respect and love in that dynamic.
7. They express gratitude in their own unique way
Finally, an adult child who loves you—despite not always verbalizing it—will often show thanks for what you’ve done and who you are in their life.
Maybe they treat you to dinner on your birthday or say something like, “I really appreciate everything you’ve done for me, even though I don’t say it enough.” Sometimes, gratitude can be as simple as a heartfelt hug, a homemade card, or a thoughtful gift that reminds you of shared memories.
I once heard a parent share how her son never explicitly said, “I love you,” but always offered to change the oil in her car or fix things around her house. Acts of service like this can speak louder than words.
Think about the times your kids do little chores for you, insist on paying the bill when you’re out to eat, or remember to pick up your favorite snack. These thoughtful gestures add up to a strong message: “I love you, and I want to take care of you, too.”
The bottom line
If your adult kids aren’t the kind to gush about their love, don’t fret.
Real affection often comes disguised in consistent check-ins, a genuine desire to share life updates, respect for boundaries, interest in your hobbies, and an eagerness to be there when you need a shoulder to lean on.
If you do notice these seven signs, take them as beautiful proof that your kids do love and value you—even if they don’t spell it out every time you see them.
And if you’re not seeing these signs right now, it might be a matter of building open communication, allowing each other grace, and understanding that each adult child’s stage of life might look different.
Keep the door open for meaningful connection and, before you know it, you might notice the subtle signals you’ve been missing.
