Have you ever felt like people are drifting away from you, but you’re not sure why?
As a psychologist, I’ve seen this happen more times than I can count.
And often, it’s not the big, obvious mistakes that hurt our relationships—it’s the small, unnoticed habits that quietly create distance over time. These behaviors may seem harmless, but they can slowly erode trust, connection, and intimacy without you even realizing it.
The good news? Once you become aware of them, you can start making changes that bring people closer rather than pushing them away.
Today, we’re diving into five such habits that could be affecting your relationships—and what to do instead.
Let’s get into ‘em.
1. Dominating the conversation
This one sounds obvious but I’ve noticed that people often dominate a conversation without intending to and without realizing they are doing so.They’re pumped to share a new idea or talk about their latest accomplishment, and the floodgates just open.
Over time, though, friends start checking out, co-workers might roll their eyes, and loved ones might hesitate to open up because they fear they won’t get a word in.
Research actually backs this up – this came as one of the most annoying virtual meeting behaviors in a survey by Money Penny.
Sound like you? Next time you’re in a conversation, set a mental goal to ask at least two follow-up questions before offering your own view.
I think you’ll be amazed at how quickly people warm up when they feel truly heard!
2. Being passive-aggressive
Ever given someone the silent treatment? Left a vague, guilt-tripping comment instead of saying what’s really on your mind?
You’re not alone—passive-aggressive behavior is something many people fall into, often without realizing it.
The problem is that while it might feel like a way to express frustration without outright conflict, it actually creates confusion and resentment. Instead of addressing the issue, it leaves the other person guessing (and usually feeling frustrated themselves).
A better approach? If something’s bothering you, practice assertive communication.
That means expressing your feelings directly but respectfully. Instead of saying, “I guess I’ll just do it myself, as usual,” try, “Hey, I could really use your help with this. Would you mind pitching in?”
Clear, honest communication fosters trust. And trust is what keeps people close.
3. Breaking promises (even small ones)
Promises might sound like something reserved for big occasions—swearing loyalty or guaranteeing a huge favor. But in day-to-day life, even small assurances like “I’ll call you tomorrow,” “I’ll be there on time,” or “I’ll finish that project ASAP” qualify as promises.
And when they’re consistently broken, trust starts to crack.
As Randi Gunther, Ph.D. has said, “Consistently not honoring agreements is a sure way to push others away.” I couldn’t agree more.
It might seem minor to bail on lunch plans or miss a deadline by a few days, but repeated offenses create an undercurrent of unreliability. It sends the message, “Your time and expectations aren’t that important to me.” No one wants to feel that way.
If something comes up and you can’t keep your promise, address it head-on. Offer a short, genuine apology and suggest a new plan that you’re fully prepared to honor. Demonstrating accountability, even when life happens, speaks volumes about your respect for others.
4. Gossiping
We’ve all been there—someone starts spilling the latest drama, and it’s tempting to chime in. But while gossip might feel like harmless bonding in the moment, it can seriously hurt your relationships in the long run.
Why? Because it sends a clear message: You can’t be trusted. If you’re willing to talk about others behind their backs, what’s stopping you from doing the same to the person you’re talking to?
Research also supports this. “The Gossiper” was named one of the most annoying coworker types in the Money Penny survey I mentioned earlier.
Ask yourself: Would I say this if the person were here? If not, it might be best to keep it to yourself. Trust me, being someone who lifts others up instead of tearing them down will make people want to be around you.
5. Being emotionally unavailable
Last but not least—acting like you have it all together all the time can actually push people away.
At first, it might seem like a good thing. Who wouldn’t want to be seen as capable, confident, and in control?
Well, when people never see your struggles, your doubts, or your imperfections, it creates distance. It can make others feel like they can’t relate to you or, worse, that they have to put up a perfect front around you too.
Perhaps, Brené Brown said it best: “Vulnerability is the birthplace of love, belonging, joy, courage, empathy, and creativity. It is the source of hope, empathy, accountability, and authenticity.”
When you’re open about your challenges—whether it’s admitting a mistake, asking for help, or sharing a personal struggle—you create real connections. People don’t bond over perfection. They bond over realness.
The bottom line
The little things we do every day can either strengthen our relationships or slowly chip away at them. And often, we don’t even realize it’s happening.
The good news? Awareness is everything.
Once you recognize these subtle habits—dominating conversations, being passive-aggressive, gossiping, or pretending to be flawless—you can start making small shifts that bring people closer instead of pushing them away.
At the end of the day, strong relationships aren’t about being perfect; they’re about being present, honest, and intentional.
So, if any of these habits hit close to home, don’t stress—just take it as an opportunity to grow. The people who matter will appreciate the effort.
