I’ve gotten pretty good at the “I’m fine” act, and I bet you have, too.
It’s a subtle art, really. We convince ourselves, and everyone around us, that everything is just peachy – even when it’s not.
But there’s a catch. According to psychology, we may be too good at this act for our own good. It’s like we’ve become master magicians of masking our true feelings.
Can you relate? If so, this article is for you.
I’m about to walk you through seven telltale signs that you’ve become a pro at pretending everything’s okay — even when it isn’t. And trust me, recognizing these signs can be a game changer. So let’s dive in.
1) You’re always “fine”
We’ve all been there. Someone asks, “How are you?” and without skipping a beat, we respond, “I’m fine.” But are we, really?
The first sign that you’ve become too good at pretending everything’s fine is the automaticity of your ‘I’m fine’ response. No matter the situation or the depths of your feelings, you default to this response.
Why is that? Well, as human beings, we have an innate desire to be perceived as strong and capable. It’s uncomfortable to admit that we’re not okay.
In the wise words of psychologist Carl Jung, “The most terrifying thing is to accept oneself completely.” Pretending everything’s fine is a way of avoiding this acceptance – and it’s a sign that you might be masking deeper emotions.
So next time someone asks how you’re doing, take a moment. Are you really ‘fine’, or are you just so good at pretending that it’s become second nature?
2) You’re an expert at changing the subject
I remember a time when my friend asked me about a recent breakup I was going through. Instantly, I shifted the conversation to her recent trip to Europe. It was a smooth transition, and she never noticed the dodge. This, my friend, is a classic sign of pretending everything’s fine.
When we’re too good at feigning okayness, we become masters at directing conversations away from our problems. It’s a defense mechanism – a way to avoid confronting our emotions and dealing with the discomfort they bring.
When we consistently change the subject to avoid discussing our feelings, we’re burying those emotions alive. And trust me, they have a way of resurfacing when we least expect it.
So if you find yourself habitually steering conversations away from your own issues, take note. It might be time to face the music and stop pretending everything’s fine.
3) You wear a constant smile
Have you ever found yourself smiling and laughing, even when you’re feeling anything but joyful? That’s another sign you might be too good at pretending everything’s fine.
I’ll be honest here. We all put on a brave face from time to time. But when the act of smiling becomes a mask to hide our true feelings, it’s a problem. It’s like we’re living two lives – the one we portray to the world and the one we live when no one’s watching.
When we hide our true feelings behind a constant smile, we’re selling ourselves short. We’re denying ourselves the opportunity to express our authentic emotions and connect with others on a deeper level.
So next time you catch yourself wearing that constant smile, ask yourself: is it genuine or just a mask? Your answer might surprise you.
4) You’re always busy
Another sign of feigning okayness is constant busyness. If you find yourself perpetually occupied, it might be more than just a packed schedule. It might be an attempt to distract yourself from confronting your emotions.
A study found that people often engage in what is known as ‘goal shielding’ – the act of focusing on one goal (like being busy) to avoid dealing with other, more emotionally challenging issues.
When we’re always busy, we’re essentially running from our feelings. We’re using our packed schedules as a shield to protect ourselves from dealing with emotional discomfort.
So if you’re always on the go and don’t have a moment to breathe, it might be time to pause. Ask yourself: are you truly busy, or are you just avoiding your feelings? The answer might provide some much-needed insight.
5) You avoid deep conversations
I recall a time when a friend tried to engage me in a conversation about life goals and future plans. My immediate reaction? I felt an urge to escape.
If you find yourself frequently avoiding deep and meaningful conversations, it’s another red flag. We tend to dodge these discussions because they force us to confront our feelings and emotions.
As psychologist Carl Rogers said, “The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.” We often avoid deep conversations because they require us to accept ourselves as we are – complete with our fears, insecurities, and uncertainties.
So if you’re always leaning towards light-hearted chats and steering clear of anything deeper, it’s worth asking why. Are you avoiding a closer look at your own feelings? It’s something to ponder.
6) You’re the life of the party
Here’s a surprising one: if you’re always the life of the party, it could be a sign that you’re pretending everything’s fine.
Sounds counterintuitive, right? But think about it. When we’re feeling down or stressed, we often compensate by being overly cheerful or energetic in social situations. It’s a classic distraction technique – if we’re keeping everyone else entertained, we don’t have to deal with our own emotions.
Psychologist Rollo May once said, “One does not become fully human painlessly.” And it’s true. Facing our pain and struggles is a crucial part of our human experience.
So if you’re always the one cracking jokes and lighting up the room, take a moment to reflect. Are you genuinely happy, or is it just an act to avoid confronting your true feelings? It’s worth considering.
7) You’re a master of deflection
The final sign? You’re an expert at deflecting. When conversation veers too close to your feelings or issues, you instinctively redirect it elsewhere.
As psychologist William James noted, “The greatest weapon against stress is our ability to choose one thought over another.” But when deflection becomes our go-to, we’re choosing to ignore our emotions rather than face them.
So if you’re always sidestepping personal topics, it’s time to stop and reflect. You might just be too good at pretending everything’s fine.
Final reflections
Recognizing these signs is only the first step. The real challenge lies in confronting your feelings rather than masking them.
We all have our reasons for pretending everything’s fine. It can be a defense mechanism, a means of self-protection, or a way to avoid discomfort. But at the end of the day, it’s crucial to remember that it’s okay to not be okay.
Striving for constant happiness is exhausting and unrealistic. Life is a rollercoaster, complete with ups and downs, twists and turns. And it’s these variations that make our journey uniquely ours.
So if you’ve recognized yourself in these signs, take a moment to reflect. Are you ready to let go of the act and embrace your authentic emotions?
Remember, the first step towards healing is acknowledging that there’s something to heal from. And there’s no shame in that. It’s part of being human. So here’s to embracing our humanity – in all its messy, beautiful complexity.
