Have you ever felt a little pang of discomfort when someone tells you, “Hey, great job!” or “Wow, you look amazing today”?
If so, you’re not alone. Many of us cringe or quickly brush off words of praise as if they’re hot potatoes. Instead of savoring the warmth and positivity, we toss them aside with a rushed “Oh, it was nothing” or “You’re just being nice.”
In my work as a psychologist—and in my own personal life—I’ve seen just how common this reaction is. It can be a big deal because compliments are more than just nice words.
They’re a form of connection and affirmation that can boost our sense of self-worth and strengthen our relationships. Yet plenty of people instinctively dodge them.
But why does this happen? Let’s dive into some of the hidden reasons people find it hard to accept compliments, and hopefully, peel back some layers that might help you see where your discomfort is coming from.
1. They Have An Ingrained Sense Of Unworthiness
For a lot of people, struggling to accept praise stems from an ingrained belief that they’re just not “good enough.”
This might come from childhood experiences—maybe a parent, teacher, or peer continually pointed out your flaws, or maybe you never felt quite able to meet others’ expectations.
As Daniel Goleman, author of Emotional Intelligence, has pointed out, our formative years shape our self-talk and set the stage for how we respond to external feedback.
If we grow up feeling inadequate, compliments later in life can feel contradictory to our deeply held self-image. It’s as if there’s a mismatch: “How can they be praising me when I know I’m far from perfect?”
To tackle this, one of the first steps is simply noticing when these self-defeating thoughts come up. Observe that inner monologue that insists you’re not worthy of nice words.
Challenging this automatic script can make space for healthier self-talk and help you accept compliments with more ease.
2. They Worry About Seeming Arrogant
I remember an old friend who would always respond to any compliment with immediate self-deprecation: “Oh, you’re just being polite” or “Trust me, I’m really not that good.” When I asked her why she couldn’t just say thank you, she admitted, “I don’t want people thinking I’m cocky.”
Perhaps you can relate. There’s a cultural expectation—especially in certain communities—to stay humble. We’re encouraged to downplay our achievements lest we come off as self-centered. Ironically, constantly denying or deflecting a compliment can make the interaction even more awkward.
If the fear of appearing conceited resonates with you, remember there’s a wide gap between “I appreciate your kind words” and “Yes, I know, I’m basically perfect.”
Accepting a compliment with grace doesn’t imply arrogance; it’s a simple acknowledgment of your effort, your talent, or maybe just your new haircut.
3. They’re Uncomfortable With Vulnerability
Compliments can feel surprisingly intimate. Let’s face it—accepting praise means letting someone see you in a positive light, and that can leave you feeling exposed.
In my experience, a lot of us are more accustomed to protecting ourselves through self-criticism or self-deprecating humor than we are at showing vulnerability by saying, “Thank you.”
As Brené Brown has said, “Staying vulnerable is a risk we have to take if we want to experience connection.” When someone compliments you, they’re reaching out to affirm a part of who you are or what you’ve done. Receiving that confirmation means letting them in, and that can be scary if you’re not used to it.
But here’s the thing: vulnerability is a pathway to deeper relationships. If you can muster the courage to let those compliments in, you might find a stronger sense of closeness with the people who see the best in you.
4. They’ve Been Burned By Insincere Praise
Let’s be real: not all compliments are created equal. Some people have experienced so-called “compliments” that come with strings attached—like a coworker praising your report before asking you to cover for them, or a friend who flatters your cooking only to hit you with a big favor request.
Over time, these experiences can breed skepticism toward praise. You might start to wonder: “What do they really want from me?” or assume that compliments are part of a hidden agenda.
If that’s your struggle, it might help to put a mental filter on the source. Not every compliment is a trap. Sure, there are manipulative people out there, but there are also genuinely supportive folks who just want to express appreciation.
Acknowledging that difference can make it easier to accept well-intended compliments while keeping your guard up for the rare case where it’s warranted.
5. They Feel They Don’t Deserve It
Imposter syndrome is a term that’s been floating around for a while now, and it’s closely tied to the struggle with compliments.
If you deal with imposter feelings, you’re probably familiar with that nagging voice that says, “It was just luck,” or “Anyone could have done this,” or “They’ll figure out I’m not really that capable.”
Susan Cain, author of Quiet, has often talked about the depth of introspection and self-doubt many introverts wrestle with. Though it’s not limited to introverts alone, the phenomenon is similar: you undermine your own accomplishments by attributing them to external factors.
So when someone says, “Fantastic job on that presentation!” you might reflexively think, “If only they knew how nervous I was… I must have fooled them.”
To combat this tendency, I often encourage clients to keep a small “wins” journal. When you note down what you did well and why it mattered—big or small—you start building a case against those imposter thoughts. Over time, that can help you truly accept that you do deserve the kudos people send your way.
6. They Confuse Modesty With Avoidance
When we talk about humility, it’s often cast in a positive light—and for good reason. But there’s a fine line between being modest and actively avoiding any positive recognition.
If you automatically dodge every compliment under the guise of “I’m just humble,” you could be crossing into self-negation territory.
A while back, one of my clients mentioned feeling really guilty whenever she heard good things about herself. She shared, “I was raised to be humble, so whenever someone praises me, I shut it down. I don’t want to offend anyone by agreeing.” The irony is that shutting down a compliment can sometimes feel like a rejection to the person giving it.
Sure, excessive bragging is off-putting, but a simple “Thank you” is more about politeness than self-inflation. In fact, graciously accepting a compliment often comes across as respectful and kind. By letting it land, you acknowledge the other person’s effort in recognizing you.
7. They’re Afraid Of Future Expectations
If you accept a compliment, does that mean you have to live up to it every single time? One of my close friends once confessed that he hates being told he’s “so creative.” He’d say, “As soon as people call me creative, I feel pressured to keep topping myself. What if my next idea doesn’t measure up?”
This fear of future expectations can lead you to dismiss compliments before they can morph into a weight on your shoulders. It’s almost like an attempt to keep the bar low. If you never fully own that you’re good at something, you might avoid disappointing anyone, right?
Well, here at Blog Herald, we’re big fans of personal growth, and personal growth often involves trying, failing, and trying again.
Accepting a compliment doesn’t lock you into a performance contract. It simply acknowledges what’s true in the moment—that you did something well or have a valuable trait. The future will come with its own challenges, but that doesn’t diminish what you’ve achieved today.
8. They Lack Practice In Healthy Self-Affirmation
You might have read my post on self-talk and confidence-building, where I dove deeper into how we speak to ourselves. In that post, I mentioned how rarely some of us practice any form of self-appreciation. It’s as if telling yourself “Hey, I did a good job” is taboo.
If you rarely give yourself credit, you might find it doubly hard to accept it from someone else. As Oprah has noted, “What we dwell on is who we become.” If you’re constantly dwelling on your shortcomings, your mind becomes primed to reject any notion of your strengths.
The good news is, you can practice receiving compliments just as you’d practice any other skill. Start by catching yourself in the act of deflection.
Instead of rushing to say “It’s no big deal,” experiment with pausing, smiling, and then saying, “Thank you, I appreciate that.” It feels awkward at first—trust me, I’ve been there—but with time, it gets easier.
9. They Mistake Critique For Connection
For some people, the default mode of bonding with others is through criticism or mutual complaints.
I’ve noticed this dynamic in friend groups where positivity feels out of place, and negativity is the norm. So when compliments suddenly show up, it can be disorienting.
Carl Rogers, the humanistic psychologist, championed the power of positive regard in fostering emotional well-being. If your usual relationship patterns revolve around complaining or poking fun at each other, a genuine compliment might feel jarring or suspicious.
But guess what? Sharing good vibes can be just as bonding—if not more so—than a communal gripe session.
If you find yourself in circles where compliments are scarce and cynicism rules, try sprinkling in some genuine appreciation and see how it shifts the dynamic. Learning to accept compliments might also mean unlearning the habit of bonding primarily through negativity.
10. They Haven’t Had Enough Examples Of Gracious Acceptance
Lastly, sometimes people simply haven’t witnessed enough examples of gracious acceptance.
If your role models growing up always brushed off compliments or turned them into jokes, you might assume that’s the “correct” way to respond.
Think about the environment you were raised in. Did you see parents or mentors say “Thank you” with confidence and a smile, or did you see them deflect or deny any praise? Those early scripts can stick with us for life.
But they’re not permanent. You can seek out new role models—friends, co-workers, or public figures—who display genuine confidence without arrogance. Watch how they handle compliments.
Usually, they don’t launch into a bragging monologue; they just say a sincere thank you, share a little context if needed, and move on. It’s graceful, respectful, and doesn’t cause any emotional whiplash for the compliment-giver.
The bottom line
Struggling with compliments isn’t just a random quirk—it’s often tied to deeper beliefs about ourselves, our worth, and our relationships.
Whether you fear looking egotistical, worry about future expectations, or feel you simply don’t deserve the praise, know that these are learned responses. And what’s learned can be unlearned.
If you see yourself in any of these reasons, start small. When someone offers you a genuine compliment, pause and let it sink in. Notice the urge to brush it off, and gently challenge it.
Offer a sincere, “Thank you, that means a lot.” Over time, you may find that accepting compliments not only boosts your self-esteem but also allows you to create more authentic, positive connections with others.
So the next time someone praises your outfit, your work, or even your smile, try letting it land. You might just discover that a small act of acceptance can lead to a big shift in how you see yourself—and how you let others see you, too.
