We’ve all come across those incredible folks who just seem to radiate confidence at any age, right? They walk into a room—whether they’re 25 or 75—and carry themselves with an aura of self-assuredness that’s hard to miss.
But here’s what I’ve learned: it’s not that they’re born special. In many cases, they simply steer clear of a few common habits that chip away at confidence over time.
In my work as a psychologist (and in my own life journey), I’ve seen how avoiding certain pitfalls can go a long way in keeping that inner glow alive. So, if you’re wondering what these well-aged confident people tend to skip, let’s explore.
1. They don’t cling to limiting beliefs
Let’s start with a question: Have you ever caught yourself thinking, “I’m too old for that,” or “I can’t keep up with these younger folks”?
If so, you’re definitely not alone. But people who retain their confidence well past retirement age rarely indulge in these kinds of limiting beliefs. Instead, they focus on possibility over restriction.
I remember a client who was well into her sixties when she decided to learn ballroom dancing. At first, she told me she felt silly—like she’d missed the boat and was trying to relive her youth.
But once she shook off that notion, she discovered a whole new passion and made a bunch of new friends. Watching her thrive in a space she initially felt was “for younger people” was a powerful reminder that our beliefs truly shape our reality.
Daniel Goleman, the psychologist renowned for his work on emotional intelligence, has noted that our thought patterns largely determine how we navigate the world.
If we consistently tell ourselves “I’m too old” or “I’m out of the game,” we’ll act that way—becoming withdrawn, hesitant, or anxious. Staying confident means giving yourself the freedom to try, fail, learn, and grow, no matter how many birthdays you’ve celebrated.
2. They don’t ignore emotional health
Emotional well-being is the unsung hero of long-term confidence. In my experience, people who manage to stay self-assured throughout life’s ups and downs usually make emotional health a priority.
They don’t sweep sadness, stress, or anxiety under the rug. Instead, they address it head-on—whether it’s by seeking therapy, talking to a trusted friend, or taking up mindfulness practices.
As Viktor Frankl once said, “When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.” Looking inward can be intimidating, but it’s also empowering.
If you often feel stuck in negative emotions or anxious about the future, it’s worth asking yourself: Am I giving my mental health the attention it needs? People who remain confident well into their later years usually say “yes” to that question.
They know that unprocessed feelings can fester and show up as self-doubt. By acknowledging these emotions—and working through them—they nurture the inner resilience that helps them stand tall at any age.
3. They aren’t afraid of new challenges
“Life begins at the end of your comfort zone,” the saying goes—and it’s especially true if you want to keep your confidence robust through every decade. While many people shy away from fresh challenges as they get older, those who remain confident embrace them.
One woman I worked with decided, in her fifties, to go back to college for a degree in social work. It wasn’t easy. She was the oldest in her classes, often juggling coursework with her day job and parenting responsibilities.
But here’s the kicker: every time she pushed through the initial discomfort—learning new technology, meeting new classmates—her self-confidence soared. She realized that age didn’t define her capacity to learn or contribute.
In a previous post I wrote about overcoming the fear of starting over (you might have read that one if you’ve followed me here at Blog Herald), I explained how diving into new projects or roles is a powerful tool for self-growth.
Yes, it might feel uncomfortable at first, but that discomfort is a sign you’re stretching yourself. Over time, these micro-stretches build a sturdier, more lasting sense of belief in your abilities.
4. They don’t rely on external validation
Could you confidently go a week without posting updates on social media for a flood of “likes”? Or share your honest opinion in a meeting without scanning the room for nods of agreement?
Many of us, no matter our age, wrestle with the need for external approval. However, those who stay confident through each passing year learn how to stand on their own two feet emotionally.
Oprah Winfrey—someone who’s earned her fair share of public praise—has often emphasized the importance of an internal sense of worth. She once said, “What I know for sure is that speaking your truth is the most powerful tool we all have.”
Confident people recognize that validation from others can be fleeting. One day your friends or colleagues might shower you with compliments; the next day, you might feel invisible. By building an internal sense of approval—valuing your own ideas and trusting your own judgment—you create a solid foundation that isn’t easily shaken by external shifts.
If you notice yourself constantly seeking applause from others, ask: What kind of self-talk am I engaging in? Do I approve of myself—my choices, my actions, my ideas—even when there’s no one around to applaud? Learning to answer “yes” to these questions is a crucial step toward a confidence that doesn’t fade with time.
5. They refuse to dwell on comparisons
Raise your hand if you’ve ever caught yourself scrolling social media, comparing your life to everyone else’s highlight reel. (My hand is definitely up!)
It’s easy to fall into the trap of measuring ourselves against others, especially in a world where everything is on display. But guess what? People who remain confident in their forties, fifties, sixties, and beyond tend to sidestep this time-wasting habit.
They recognize that comparing your current situation to someone else’s curated snapshot is never a fair fight. Think about it: you see all your own struggles, flaws, and silent battles.
But from the outside, others look seamless. Rather than letting these comparisons steal their joy, confident individuals appreciate where they are now and acknowledge their own growth.
Susan Cain, the author of “Quiet,” has pointed out that self-awareness can curb the urge to compare. Once you really know yourself—your strengths, your quirks, your values—you become less susceptible to the noise of external benchmarks.
So instead of chasing someone else’s version of happiness, you can focus on creating (and appreciating) your own.
6. They don’t treat aging as a crisis
Do you panic about every gray hair, or view another birthday as a reason to complain?
Sure, aging can introduce new challenges—wrinkles, slower metabolism, or an extra ache or two in the morning. But confident folks see aging as a natural progression, not a crisis to be avoided at all costs.
I’ve always been intrigued by this mindset. In my sessions, I’ll often encounter two people of the same age: one lamenting, “My best years are behind me,” and the other saying, “I’m still discovering who I am!”
The second person often shows a higher degree of resilience, better mental well-being, and deeper fulfillment. It’s not that their life is perfect—they just refuse to look at each birthday as a sign of decline. Instead, they see it as an ongoing journey of becoming.
Carl Jung, a prominent figure in psychology, believed in the idea of “individuation” continuing throughout our life. Meaning, we keep unfolding into who we truly are as we age. That perspective alone can make the difference between dreading the passage of time and welcoming it with open arms.
7. They aren’t stuck in rigid routines
Finally, let’s talk about flexibility. While solid routines can be helpful (morning coffee, exercise, bedtime rituals), being too rigid can stifle your sense of possibility.
Over the years, I’ve noticed that those who remain confident and vibrant are usually open to switching things up when needed. If their exercise plan stops feeling enjoyable, they try yoga. If their job becomes stagnant, they seek new opportunities or passion projects.
This willingness to adapt fosters a belief that you’re capable of evolution at any stage in life. Think of it like this: if you never explore new avenues, you’re subtly telling yourself that your possibilities are limited.
But trying something different—whether it’s a new hobby or a career shift—signals that you have faith in your ability to handle change. And that faith goes hand in hand with confidence.
You might be thinking, “But what about stability? Don’t we all need that to feel secure?” Absolutely, stability is important. Yet there’s a sweet spot between having routines that support your well-being and staying open to growth.
People who strike this balance tend to exude a steady, unshakable sense of self, regardless of how many candles are on their birthday cake.
8. They don’t skimp on relationships and support networks
Last but not least, the people who remain confident through every life stage also understand the power of connection.
They value strong relationships—friends, family, mentors—and they don’t isolate themselves when times get tough. Instead, they actively nurture meaningful bonds that offer both emotional support and intellectual stimulation.
I’ve seen how easy it is to drift apart from friends once kids come into the picture or when careers take center stage. I’ve been guilty of it too—especially when my schedule felt too crammed to pick up the phone and call a friend.
But isolation can slowly erode our sense of belonging. And feeling like you don’t belong anywhere is a surefire way to chip away at confidence.
Brené Brown reminds us that, “A deep sense of love and belonging is an irreducible need of all people.” I couldn’t agree more. Seeking out community—joining a book club, volunteering, or just scheduling regular coffee dates—keeps our hearts (and minds) open.
By investing in relationships, we build a cushion of support that helps us bounce back from setbacks and stay strong in who we are.
The bottom line
Confidence isn’t some lucky trait only a select few get to enjoy. It’s a skill that grows—or fades—based on our daily choices.
If you’ve noticed that you’re picking up any of these habits, know that it’s never too late to make a change. After all, we’re all growing, learning, and figuring it out as we go.
By letting go of limiting beliefs, taking care of our emotional well-being, embracing new challenges, trusting our own worth, refusing to compare ourselves to others, seeing aging as a natural process, staying flexible in our routines, and investing in positive connections, we open the door to a self-confidence that can stick around for decades to come.
And if you ask me, that’s a pretty fantastic way to age—gracefully, with plenty of boldness to spare.
So here’s to staying confident, no matter how many candles light up your birthday cake. The habits we avoid are just as vital as the ones we choose to cultivate, and every step we take toward greater self-awareness and growth is a step well worth taking.
