We’ve all heard the adage that age is just a number. But if that’s true, why do some of us seem to “act” older without even realizing it?
Over the years in my counseling practice, I’ve worked with people in their twenties who seemed far older than their birth certificates suggested—and not in the wise-beyond-their-years kind of way. More often, it was in the “I didn’t realize I was coming off like this” kind of way.
I’ve been there myself. In my late thirties, for instance, I caught myself declining every social invite past 8 p.m. because “I’m too old for that.” It wasn’t until a dear friend called me out (lovingly) on how negatively I was speaking about my own age that I realized I was piling on years where they didn’t exist.
So, if you sometimes catch yourself feeling older than you really are, or if you’ve been told you come across as older despite your actual age, you might be engaging in some subtle habits. Here are eight that I’ve seen (and sometimes done) that can add invisible decades to our persona.
1) You downplay your energy levels constantly
Have you ever heard yourself say, “I just don’t have the energy for that anymore” while you’re still in your twenties, thirties, or forties?
We all have days when we’re exhausted, but there’s a big difference between acknowledging genuine fatigue and deciding you’re “too old” for something before you’ve even tried.
One fascinating point is how our words create our reality. As Tony Robbins has said, “The words you attach to your experience become your experience.”
By labeling yourself as too worn out to do things you once enjoyed—like trying a new dance class or staying up to watch a meteor shower—you essentially train your brain to behave in accordance with that label. Over time, you might genuinely feel older, more fatigued, and less lively than your years would suggest.
Try flipping the narrative. Instead of saying, “I’m too old for that,” maybe say, “I’m not in the mood for that today, but let’s see how I feel tomorrow.” A subtle shift in words can keep a door open, both physically and mentally.
2) You resist technology just because it’s “for the kids”
I can’t count the number of times I’ve heard someone say, “I’m way too old to figure out TikTok” or “Why bother learning that new phone feature?”
True, technology can be intimidating. But avoiding new platforms, apps, or tech gadgets just because you assume they’re for younger generations can instantly age you in the eyes of others.
As Sheryl Sandberg has noted, “Feeling confident—or pretending that you feel confident—is necessary to reach for opportunities.” If you steer clear of technology, you might miss professional opportunities, social connections, or even new ways to stay informed.
Next time you’re tempted to say something like “That’s just for teenagers,” consider experimenting with the app or gadget instead. You might feel silly at first, but diving in can keep you open-minded and connected with a world that moves quickly.
3) You’ve adopted a habit of complaining about “these kids today”
I’ve seen it happen so often that it’s almost become a cliché: People lamenting younger generations’ attitudes, music, or fashion choices as if the world has suddenly gone downhill. (It hasn’t; it’s just evolving in ways we may not understand yet.)
Negativity toward younger generations can make you appear crotchety, no matter your actual age. I once had a friend in his mid-thirties who complained about “kids these days” playing video games all day—until he realized he was playing vintage console games just as much.
A study from the Pew Research Center found that generational differences have always existed, and tension often arises when one generation judges another’s lifestyle or cultural norms. Showing curiosity rather than criticism can be the key.
Instead of saying, “What’s up with these kids and their memes?” try, “What do you find funny about this meme?” You might be surprised at how it opens up a genuine conversation and keeps you feeling fresh and engaged.
4) You dress how you think you “should,” not how you want
I’m all for dressing in a way that makes you feel comfortable.
But if you’ve unconsciously boxed yourself in—thinking you’re “too old” to rock certain colors or styles—you might be adding years to your appearance. Dressing for your age shouldn’t mean dressing in a way that doesn’t resonate with who you are.
Michelle Obama once said, “There is no limit to what we, as women, can accomplish.” That includes the freedom to experiment with clothes, regardless of what mainstream fashion says is “appropriate.”
If you see something you love and it makes you feel confident, who cares if it’s got a youthful vibe? Confidence is timeless. The key is honoring your personal style rather than trying to fit into a mold that society has handed you.
5) You never step out of your comfort zone
One of the biggest culprits that can make us appear older is a tendency to stick rigidly to our usual patterns—whether it’s always dining at the same restaurant or refusing to meet new people.
As you might know, at Blog Herald, we’re big fans of challenging self-limiting beliefs and trying new things. It keeps the mind alert and fosters creativity.
A friend of mine in her forties feared traveling alone until she finally tried a solo trip to a nearby city. She ended up loving it and came back with a fresh, vibrant energy that people commented on for weeks. Her fear of the unknown had been aging her because she was closed off to possibilities. Once she stepped out, she radiated youthfulness.
You might have read my post on embracing life changes gracefully—I touched on how trying new activities can spark a playful, adventurous spirit that keeps you young at heart.
It doesn’t have to be bungee-jumping or skydiving. Even small steps like trying out that new café or picking up a paintbrush can breathe life and vigor into your routine.
6) You carry yourself with tension instead of ease
We often overlook physical posture and body language, but it speaks volumes.
Slouching, tensing your shoulders, or constantly walking at a snail’s pace can project an image of someone who’s weighed down by the world. Part of feeling (and looking) youthful is carrying yourself with energy and openness.
As Brene Brown has said, “Vulnerability is the birthplace of innovation, creativity, and change.” But I’d also argue it’s the birthplace of a more relaxed, inviting posture. When we allow ourselves to be open and unguarded—especially in the way we stand, sit, and walk—we convey a sense of liveliness.
A simple exercise you can do daily is to straighten your back, roll your shoulders down, and take a couple of deep breaths. Practice that multiple times a day, and you might be amazed at how it shifts your aura from tired to vibrant.
7) You focus on the past more than the future
Nostalgia can be a wonderful thing—who doesn’t love reminiscing about carefree summer days or the music that defined your coming-of-age?
However, living in the past can make you seem stuck or disengaged from the present. When you frequently begin sentences with “Remember when…” or “It was better back then…,” you might inadvertently suggest you’re not excited about what’s ahead.
Psychologists often talk about “future-mindedness” or the ability to envision tomorrow’s possibilities as a trait correlated with overall well-being. Harvard psychologist Dr. Daniel Gilbert has written extensively on how our “future self” shapes our current motivations.
When you focus on the future—whether you’re planning a trip, picking up a new hobby, or working toward a new career goal—you keep that spark of youth alive. Revel in your memories, sure, but sprinkle in conversations about what excites you next week, next month, or next year.
8) You sabotage your own sense of play
I’ve saved a big one for last, friends.
Many of us become self-conscious about silliness, spontaneity, or even carefree laughter as we get older. We start to believe that being an adult means being serious all the time. However, play isn’t just for children—it’s a fundamental part of creativity and stress relief. The absence of playfulness can add invisible decades to your persona.
As the late Maya Angelou once wrote, “You can’t use up creativity. The more you use, the more you have.” Play is a gateway to creativity; it keeps the mind malleable, inviting curiosity and exploration.
When you allow yourself those playful moments—singing in the shower like you’re auditioning for a Broadway show, dancing around the kitchen, or laughing at silly jokes—you invite in lightness and a sense of youthful wonder.
So, go ahead and have a spontaneous game night, dance to that guilty-pleasure song, or crack a pun that makes everyone groan. That spark of silliness can be a powerful antidote to unnecessary “aging.”
Final thoughts
At the end of the day, feeling older than you really are has little to do with the calendar. It’s often about your outlook, habits, and willingness to embrace the new without trashing the old.
Whether it’s your posture, your words, or your sense of play, youthfulness is as much a mindset as it is a chronological fact.
Take stock: Are you automatically saying no to experiences because you assume you’re too old? Are you caging yourself in rigid routines and beliefs that once served you but might now be holding you back?
Small shifts—like standing up straighter, swapping out negative self-talk, or downloading that new app—can inject your life with the spark you might have been missing.
Ultimately, it’s about living in a way that aligns with who you truly are, rather than who you’ve convinced yourself you’re supposed to be at a certain age. That authenticity, in my experience, is what keeps us truly young—no matter what year our birth certificate says.
