The way we behave in adulthood has a lot to do with how we were raised as children. Manners, for instance, are taught from a young age and form the foundation of how we interact with others throughout our lives.
Now, imagine someone who wasn’t taught these basic manners as a child. They might not mean any harm, but their behavior can leave you perplexed, even frustrated at times.
In this article, we’re diving into seven behaviors often displayed by those who missed out on these early life lessons.
It’s not about pointing fingers, but rather understanding the impact of upbringing on adult behavior and finding ways to navigate these interactions more effectively.
1) Lack of respect for personal space
We all have our personal bubbles, a zone of comfort around us that is implicitly understood. Those who weren’t taught basic manners as a child may not understand this concept.
Being respectful of personal space is an unspoken rule in most societies. It’s about giving others the room to breathe, to exist without feeling invaded or uncomfortable.
However, if someone wasn’t introduced to this notion early in life, they might get too close for comfort, touch things that aren’t theirs or even make you feel claustrophobic in your own space.
It’s not necessarily a sign of malicious intent. It’s more likely that they simply don’t know any better. Understanding this can help you approach these situations with empathy and patience, rather than frustration.
2) Interrupting conversations
We’ve all been there, in the middle of a fascinating discussion, only to be rudely interrupted. It’s a behavior I’ve encountered in people who weren’t taught basic conversational manners as children.
I recall a friend I made during my college years. She was smart, funny, and full of life, but had this habit of cutting people off mid-sentence. It was as if she was always in a hurry to get her point across.
At first, I found it disconcerting. But as I got to know her better, I realized that she had grown up in a household where everyone talked over each other.
It wasn’t that she meant to be rude; it was just how she learned to communicate.
Recognizing this helped me understand her better, and with time and gentle reminders, she improved her conversational etiquette.
This experience taught me that patience and understanding can go a long way in dealing with such behaviors.
3) Ignoring basic table etiquette
Table manners are often one of the first lessons in courtesy that children are taught. However, those who didn’t have this early training may struggle with these unspoken rules as adults.
Chewing with an open mouth, talking while eating, or starting to eat before everyone is served might seem like minor transgressions. But these behaviors can be seen as disrespectful or rude in many cultures.
Did you know that in Japan, it’s considered impolite to pour your own drink at a dinner party?
Instead, you wait for someone else to do it for you. This practice emphasizes the value of consideration for others, reflecting the deep-rooted respect in their culture.
Understanding and respecting these nuances can go a long way in fostering positive relationships and avoiding misunderstandings.
4) Poor listening skills
Active listening is a key component of effective communication and is often instilled during childhood. However, those not taught this skill may struggle with it in their adult lives.
When we say ‘poor listening skills’, we’re not just talking about the inability to hear words. It’s about failing to understand, empathize, and respond appropriately to what’s being communicated.
People with poor listening skills might seem distracted during a conversation, constantly check their phones, or respond inappropriately.
This can make the other person feel unheard or trivialized, leading to strained relationships.
Learning to listen is a skill that can be developed over time. It requires patience, understanding, and a genuine interest in others’ thoughts and feelings.
5) Not saying “please” or “thank you”
These two simple phrases are among the first manners taught to children, yet their importance cannot be overstated.
They convey respect and gratitude, fostering a positive environment. However, some people, not raised with these basic courtesies, might overlook their significance.
I remember when I first moved out of my parents’ house and shared an apartment with a roommate.
He was friendly and easy-going but rarely used these phrases. It wasn’t that he wasn’t grateful or respectful, he just didn’t express it verbally.
His lack of verbal gratitude made me feel unappreciated at times, despite knowing it wasn’t his intention. With time, I realized his upbringing played a role in this behavior and tried to take it less personally.
Politeness goes beyond mere etiquette; it’s about acknowledging the efforts of others and showing them respect. A simple “please” or “thank you” can make all the difference.
6) Dominating conversations
Conversations are a two-way street. They involve speaking and listening in equal measure, allowing for the exchange of ideas. However, those not taught basic conversational manners might end up dominating the dialogue.
Domination can take many forms – it could be talking incessantly about oneself, showing disinterest when others speak, or constantly steering conversations back to their own experiences or thoughts.
This behavior can make others feel unheard and unimportant. It’s important to remember that a conversation is not a competition, but a collaborative effort to share and learn from each other.
A little bit of empathy and active listening can help create a more balanced dialogue.
7) Disregard for punctuality
Time is a valuable commodity, and respecting others’ time is a fundamental aspect of good manners. Those not taught the importance of punctuality as children often struggle with it in adulthood.
Consistently arriving late to appointments or meetings sends a message of disregard for the other person’s time. It can be seen as disrespectful and can strain relationships both personally and professionally.
Punctuality is more than just being on time. It’s about showing respect for others, honoring commitments, and demonstrating reliability. It’s vital in maintaining trust and respect in all our interactions.
Understanding, not blaming
The complexity of human behavior cannot be overstated. It’s shaped by countless factors, from genetic make-up to societal influences, and of course, upbringing.
Observing someone who lacks basic manners can be frustrating. However, understanding that these behaviors could stem from a lack of early learning can help us approach the situation with empathy and patience.
Remember that manners are learned, not innate. If someone missed out on these lessons in childhood, it doesn’t mean they can’t learn them as adults. It could just take a little more effort, understanding, and time.
It’s not about pointing fingers or assigning blame but finding ways to navigate these interactions more effectively. After all, we’re all products of our past, but we also have the power to shape our future.
Let’s all strive to foster an environment of understanding and respect in our interactions. It might just make the world a little bit nicer to live in.
