You know that feeling when you walk away from a conversation feeling completely drained? Like someone just sucked the energy right out of you?
The truth is, some people have that effect on others without even realizing it.
They don’t mean to be difficult or exhausting—but certain habits they’ve picked up over time make them feel heavy to be around.
And because they’re unaware of it, they keep doing the same things, pushing people away without understanding why.
If you’ve ever wondered why some interactions leave you feeling weighed down, or if you’re curious whether you might be that person without realizing it, here are the habits to look out for.
1) They always steer the conversation back to themselves
Ever had a conversation where no matter what you say, the other person somehow brings it back to their own life?
You mention a tough day at work, and suddenly you’re hearing a long story about their stressful week. You share something exciting, and before you know it, they’re talking about their latest achievement.
It’s not that they mean to be dismissive—it’s just a habit. They think they’re relating to you, but in reality, it feels like they’re making everything about them.
Over time, this can be exhausting. Conversations start to feel one-sided, and people slowly pull away without ever saying why.
2) They vent, but never really listen when you need to
I once had a friend who would call me almost every day just to unload.
She’d go on about her problems—work stress, relationship drama, family issues—and I always made sure to listen, offer advice, or just be there for her.
At first, I didn’t mind. That’s what friends are for, right? But then, on the rare occasion when I needed support, the conversation would somehow flip back to her.
If I shared something difficult I was going through, she’d acknowledge it briefly—then launch into a story about how her experience was even worse.
I started dreading her calls. Not because I didn’t care about her, but because our friendship felt like a one-way street. And the sad part? I don’t think she ever realized how draining it was for me.
3) They constantly bring up negativity
Some people have a way of turning every conversation into something heavy. Even when things are going well, they’ll find a reason to complain—about the weather, their job, the world in general.
Negativity has a powerful effect on the brain.
Studies have shown that our minds are wired to focus more on negative experiences than positive ones, which means being around constant negativity doesn’t just bring down the mood—it actually sticks with us longer.
Of course, everyone vents from time to time. But when every interaction feels like an emotional weight, people start to distance themselves just to protect their own energy.
4) They struggle to take accountability
Nothing is ever their fault. If something goes wrong, there’s always someone else to blame—their boss, their friends, bad luck, the universe itself.
At first, it might just seem like they’re venting. But over time, a pattern emerges: they never acknowledge their own role in situations.
Even when faced with clear evidence that they made a mistake, they’ll find a way to justify it or shift the blame onto someone else.
This can be exhausting to be around because accountability is the foundation of trust.
When someone constantly avoids responsibility, it creates tension and makes it hard to have honest, open relationships with them.
5) They always have a crisis
I’ve known people who seem to always be in the middle of some kind of disaster. One week, it’s a massive falling-out with a friend. The next, it’s drama at work. After that, it’s a financial emergency—again.
At first, I felt bad for them. I wanted to help, to listen, to be supportive. But eventually, I realized something: the chaos never stopped.
No matter how much advice I gave or how many times I tried to help, there was always another crisis waiting around the corner.
Being around someone like this is emotionally exhausting because their problems start to feel like your problems.
And after a while, you start pulling back—not because you don’t care, but because there’s only so much you can take before it starts dragging you down too.
6) They try too hard to be liked
You’d think that being overly agreeable and eager to please would make someone more enjoyable to be around—but strangely, it can have the opposite effect.
When someone constantly molds themselves to fit what they think others want, it starts to feel inauthentic.
They laugh at jokes they don’t find funny, agree with opinions they don’t actually believe, and go out of their way to be overly accommodating—even at their own expense.
At first, it might seem like they’re just being nice. But over time, something feels off. Real connection comes from honesty, not just saying or doing whatever it takes to be liked.
And when someone hides their real thoughts and feelings all the time, it creates a strange kind of emotional weight—because deep down, you can sense that something isn’t quite real.
7) They never seem truly happy for others
You share some exciting news—maybe a promotion, a new relationship, or just something that made your day—and their reaction feels… off.
They say the right words, maybe even force a smile, but there’s something missing. The enthusiasm isn’t real.
Instead of celebrating with you, they might downplay your success, compare it to their own struggles, or shift the focus back to themselves.
It’s subtle, but over time, you start to notice that good news never seems to sit well with them.
Being around someone who can’t genuinely share in your happiness is draining.
It makes you second-guess whether you should even bring up the good things in your life—which slowly turns the relationship into something heavy and unbalanced.
8) They don’t realize the effect they have on others
The heaviest people to be around aren’t necessarily bad people. Most of the time, they have no idea how they come across.
They don’t see the exhaustion in people’s eyes, the subtle shift in body language, or the way conversations start feeling like an obligation rather than a choice.
They assume that if no one says anything, everything must be fine.
But in reality, people rarely call out these behaviors—they just slowly start to distance themselves. And because the person never connects the dots, the cycle continues.
Why this matters more than you think
Most people who are heavy to be around don’t set out to be that way. They’re not trying to drain others or push people away—it just happens because they don’t see the patterns in their own behavior.
But here’s the thing: relationships thrive on balance. When one person constantly takes up emotional space without realizing it, the other person eventually pulls back. Not out of malice, but out of self-preservation.
Psychologists have found that emotional energy is contagious.
Just like being around positive, uplifting people can leave you feeling inspired, spending too much time with someone who unknowingly drains you can take a real toll on your mental well-being.
So if any of these habits hit close to home, don’t take it as a criticism—take it as an opportunity. The more aware we are of how we affect others, the better our relationships become.
And at the end of the day, that awareness can make the difference between pushing people away and drawing them closer.
