Unedited Memories

September 2001.
High on weekends.
Homeless so to speak.
in between cities
in between life
I ran away
I stumbled. hesitated. fractured into too many pieces.
unable to contain them all – but one got away.
I’€™m still looking for that piece
images, flashes, deformities and laughless.
It was a movie I thought.
I was watching a movie and I thought briefly that I was in a movie watching this movie of
two towers blowing up. falling down.
I’€™m in a starngers house.
His sister calls from LA
We realize we are watching NY
This is not a movie.
I am not in a movie.
I am in a city that I once lived in but one week ago.
It is Saturday afternoon.
He speaks to his sister.
I watch the screen.
Silent.
Separated.
fuck.
I don’€™t want to remember right now.
It’€™s painful.
I have not forgotten.
I had one cousin living 10 blocks from the epicentre and another cousin,
her sister visiting her from Ohio.
Everyone felt guilty that night for dancing.
We were all sad.
Another while on the phone that morning while speaking to his client his phone went dead.
Dead. NY.
The clients voice gone.
No disconnection,
cousins running around grey in the aftermath.
husband somwhere near.
A week before
I did not look back
I didn’€™t look back.
I never looked back.
and I have never forgotton.

Note: I wrote this late last night after returning from a camping trip. This particular time of year above all others is mentally exhausting, rejuvinating and exciting all at the same time to me. Many anniversaries, deaths, weddings and endings all culminate in my memory during the first couple of weeks of September. This post is a poem of intitial thoughts, on today, jotted down unedited to read.